Michael's Blog

A Strange Effect of 9/11

2011-09-11T09:41:00.001-05:00

I had started my career the Thursday before and was still new to the game. I was nervous about fitting in and whether I had what it took to do the job. Then I went to Drudge Report and it didn't load. I thought the internet was down.

Then someone called my colleague and told him there was an accident at the WTC. He said it was probably nothing and got off the phone. As events unfolded, both my boss and my colleague (the entire development team there) pretty much blew it off.

Instead of absorbing the event and living it with the rest of America, I sat in my office trying to figure out why a particular bug was happening and how to fix it.

The whole event.

I was freaking working.

At the end of that day, I decided that I was going to do everything possible to work in a human environment with a core value of respect for others. If that ever happened again, I was going to walk out of that building, go home, and figure out what was going on.

It took a few years, but I finally got there when I started working at Radiant Systems (now NCR) in 2004. This is a company that treats their employees well. Where respect is their core value. Where if something like 9/11 ever happened, they would say, "Let's turn on our TVs. Let's do what we can to understand what's going on and react to it accordingly."

I don't ever take that respect for granted. It fuels me to excel at that company every day, because I don't ever want to find myself in the situation I did on 9/11.

Clear Wireless Review: Stay Far Way

2011-07-30T11:41:00.000-05:00

Source

I rarely have such a bad experience with a company that I'm compelled to blog about it so the internet searchers out there won't have the same experience as I did.

Clear Wireless Broadband Internet gave me one of the most horrible customer experiences I have ever had. I was misled, lied to, put on hold, and treated poorly at every point of contact in a 30 day "risk free" trial period that seemed like an eternity.

One thing is for sure: hell will have the internet and hell's ISP will be Clear Wireless.

Recently, we decided we want to simplify our communication options from having DirecTV, land line phone, and DSL internet to having a Roku and broadband internet. This would save us money every month. Since DSL is expensive if you don't have a landline, we looked for an alternative to DSL and settled on Clear Wireless.

Clear advertises that you can take your internet anywhere and experience broadband speeds wherever you are. Their commercials show people doing voice chatting in a taxi cab or a mom checking her email while waiting for the kids at soccer practice. Sounds great.

I gave them a call and told them exactly what I was doing. I wanted to have Netflix and/or Hulu and stream our TV. The salesperson told me I needed their $45 a month high usage plan. I said great.

They then wanted to check my credit report. I told them I don't have any debt, so my credit report is frozen. They said unfreeze it. I said that would cost me $10. We argued back and forth. They wouldn't let me get into a two year agreement with them unless they checked my credit report. This was the first hint that this would be a company I don't want to do business with, but at the time I thought it was an irritating inconvenience of being "off the grid" with debt.

A few days later we received our modem. Plugged it in. Great. Went to speedtest.net and tested the speed: 0.5 Mbps. Not good. I moved the modem around and played with it (it is connecting to a tower at the east end of my neighborhood). Finally got 7 Mbps. Not great, but as good as what we were getting with DSL. A couple of days later we got our Apple TV (later switching to Roku) and started going. Great.

Then the mysterious slowdowns started. We would be watching a show on our Apple TV and it would pause, get more data....every 30 seconds. It made it unwatchable. This happened mostly at night, so about three days into the slowdowns I decided to do some testing. I went to speedtest.net again and got 0.5 Mbps. Not good again.

Realizing that I was within my 30 day "risk-free" trial period (more on that later), I knew I needed to get to the bottom of it. Realizing that I had a cell phone with limited minutes, I decided to do chat support.

10 minutes of waiting later, the guy gets on and tells me to clear my browser cache (no honey I wasn't looking at porn) then power off my modem, wait 10 seconds, plug in my ethernet directly to my computer, and initiate a new chat session.

10 minutes of waiting later, I spend another 10 minutes convincing the new guy that I had already done all of the canned steps and still have 0.5 Mbps speed. The guy the told me that the problem was too complicated to troubleshoot over chat and to call them. All of this happening with me sitting 2 ft away from my TV with my 3 ft ethernet cable, fighting off the kids, trying to not give them any material for their shrink in 20 years.

10 minutes of waiting on the call later, I spend another 10 minutes convincing the new guy that I had already done all of the canned steps and still have 0.5 Mbps speed. He then uses his diagnostic tools and tells me that there is a lot of traffic on the tower. I ask him if that's ever going to change. He then tells me the truth:

My internet speed was being lowered by Clear because I was using too much.

OK, good to know. The "customer support" person I was transferred to explained to me that I was free to watch streaming video, but only on occasion. I couldn't be using too much internet. OK, I wish the nice salesperson would have told me that. They had exposed themselves as the false advertising scam that they are.

I made other arrangements and got cable internet through Time Warner Cable which is between 10 Mpbs and 20 Mbps. Then I called to cancel my service the other day.

After an eternity of being on hold, they informed me that I wasn't getting a refund for my usage. When I had called them earlier in the month, they told me I would? Why am I not getting a refund? Because I had used too much internet. At 0.5 Mbps. After being lied to.

So Clear, thanks for nothing and I hope my post keeps people from using your service.

Abiding in Imperfection

2011-07-03T22:24:00.003-05:00

Sunday I woke up at around 7AM to the baby crying and Annie telling me to take him so she could sleep. I walked with the baby through our completely trashed house and found Levi with butt in the air sleeping on the couch with legs dangled off. I sat beside Levi and watched a National Geographic documentary on Yosemite Park which ended up being 30% about how global warming is screwing up everything imaginable.

I dealt with the kids, made them breakfast, navigated which show they wanted to watch, navigated the mess that was our house in the early part of today, and briefly thought about not going to church so we could clean up the house. Have I mentioned the house was a mess?

Annie got ready and I continued to watch the kids, navigate shows, make sure Isaac wasn't eating an almond that one of the boys left in an undisclosed location. Then from the other room at 9:30, Annie says, "Michael, weren't you supposed to be playing guitar at church this morning?"

Why yes I was. And yes, I forgot in May as well. So after meeting face to face with my worship pastor telling him how unfortunate it was that I was not on worship team more often, I have the audacity to forget two out of three times that I'm supposed to do it. How humiliating.

So I get to church, and our recent routine at church is I take Isaac to his class and Annie takes Levi to his class (Samuel stays with us during the first part). So I do what I normally do and walk Isaac into the classroom to sit him down in his car seat. Except this time ended up being different.

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa," the child care worker (and a friend of mine) told me. "You can't come in here". Having already been "in there", as they say, I said, "Why not?"

"It's the rule."

Just then another person walked up and clarified that, yes, indeed it was the rule.

"Since when was this the rule?" I said.

"Since last August."

"Well, that's stupid," I blurted.

She expressed offense.

I told her that my problem wasn't with her but with the stupid rule. I made sure to call it stupid one more time.

Oh wow, that felt great. Oh wait, I was just really rude to her. But it was stupid. Maybe I should just go into the main sanctuary.

So I sit in the main sanctuary for a few minutes before the service, and our music leader is just a few rows over, but I don't want to talk to him. I'm too humiliated. I sit through the first two songs and drum on Samuel's back through part of them then bolt with Samuel out of there to get him signed into class. I figure if I do that I won't include anyone else in my morning.

I make it back to my seat and see a lady wave in my direction. I start to wave back, and yes my hand is halfway up when I realize she's not looking at me. Well, she's looking at me, but not at me, but the person behind me. I turn my head and try to talk to Annie. The lady must have felt sorry for me, because she came up and said hi and made smalltalk, adding to the feeling of humiliation the morning was creating.

Next, I decide I'm going to include my champion, the one in my corner, the one who shares her entire life with me: Annie. I tell Annie, "I think I just pissed off someone in the children's ministry." She says, "Why?" I say, "There's this stupid rule about not bringing your kid in there." She says, "I like that rule; that's not stupid. I support anything that makes the children safer."

Well, alrighty then.

So the music starts, and I look up, and there's that spot where I'm supposed to be, and I start to think of the parts I'm supposed to be playing. And I feel uncomfortable, so I leave and go for a walk. Then I go eat a donut. Then I sit there. Then I check on the baby. Then I look in the service. Then they start to have communion, and I feel guilty for having a mouthful of donut in the middle of communion. So I go in there.

I sit there with communion in my hand and think about the show I watched last night. The show was on a lady dealing with obsessive compulsive disorder. She was obsessed with the weight of objects in her kitchen and kept thinking that her fridge was going to fall through the floor, take her with it, and she was going to die a horrible death. Her Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, after six weeks of twice a week therapy went and bought a bunch of groceries with her, filled up her fridge to the max, and just sat there.

The therapist wouldn't let the woman go out of that room until she experienced a let down on her anxiety. The therapist claimed that anxiety doesn't stick around if you stay in the situation and let it peak; it eventually goes back down because your mind resets to the reality that there is nothing really to be anxious about.

It turns out imperfection makes me anxious. I let my music leader down. I let the childcare worker down, who was enforcing a completely legitimate rule. I let myself down by being a jerk and unreliable. How do I get out of this? How do I make up for this? What am I going to do?

And so I heard God say to me, "Why don't you just sit here in this?" He wasn't going to fix it. Nothing was going to change. I was still a jerk to the childcare worker. I was still absent for the second time in three months from the worship team at church. He wasn't going to sprinkle the pixie dust and make it all go away. But the anxiety wasn't supposed to be there; peace was supposed to be there, even in the middle of imperfection.

Everyone makes mistakes. And sometimes not running from that reality is the best thing you can do for yourself. The longer you disallow imperfection in your life, the longer you walk down a freedomless path without God. It's only after you allow God's peace in your life without any preconditions of having your mess cleaned up that you can truly have a relationship with Him and others; a relationship based on safety and not fear.

Jackpot!!!

2011-05-20T10:00:00.003-05:00

I hit the jackpot with my wife. I made the decision to marry based on limited information, in a social environment that is totally different than the one we're in now. But somehow, by the grace of God I ended up with her.

I never really could imagine being joined in life with someone like I am with Annie. She really is a part of me. The whole is no longer me.

Sometimes people become different when you live with them and enter their "real" life. Annie is not this way. She is the real deal. She has her quirks that we laugh about, but her quirks are the sweet things that remind me that this is all real.

That reminds me when we did pre-marriage counseling. Our marriage counselor thought that Annie may have cheated because we came out so compatible. Who would have guessed? I sure didn't for the four years I knew her without thinking about her romantically.

I think happiness is about making the right big decisions, and not sweating the small decisions. With one of the largest decisions of my life to commit my life to Annie, I am very, very happy.

Contentment in Dissatisfaction

2011-05-19T21:49:00.002-05:00

Here's the easy thing to do: You have a moment of dissatisfaction. Some "thing" will solve that dissatisfaction. You buy it. You're happy.

A slight variant. Moment of dissatisfaction. Some "thing" you can't afford will solve it. You buy it. You're happy now, but later you pay.

But what about this situation? Moment of dissatisfaction. Some "thing" you can't afford will solve it. So you save up for it for a long time and buy it.

How do you save up for something you want while at the same time being fully content? This is uncharted territory for me.

The Past Is Today

2011-05-17T16:05:00.004-05:00

Here's what happened to me: I spent my twenties not thinking about my future. Everything was about right now. Then the future came, and all of the sudden it wasn't cool that the "me" in the past stole from the "me" in the present so that the "past me" could have some fun.

When that happens, it's a pretty easy thing to spot, and you regret what you did. That sucks that I racked up tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt during college on stupid stuff. That's an easy call. I regret being so shortsighted. I paid for that shortsightedness for a long time.

Here's where it gets more difficult: what will your future self regret about today? Are you setting up the "future" you to succeed or fail? Is the "future" you going to be thankful that you're making the decisions you are making right now, or regretful?

This isn't just about financial decisions, either. How are you going to look back at your current actions as a parent when your kids are older and much more independent? On a related note, I've heard that a lot of people split up after the kids leave home because they spent so much time on their kids and careers that they forgot to spend time together. That's the future person regretting what their past person did.

It goes right up until the end of life. Someday you meet God (even if you don't believe, I'm sorry to say). You account for your life. Is that accounting with regret or thanksgiving?

The past is today. Live it for no regrets.

Give Yourself the Day Off

2011-05-16T09:35:00.002-05:00

Here's a fun exercise: take something about yourself you don't like. Something you need to work on. Something that is keeping you from true happiness.

Forget about it for today. Give yourself a break. I'm not talking about giving into it (i.e., smoking a an extra pack if you want to quit smoking). I'm talking about forgetting about it.

Sometimes when we don't give things power they're not as powerful.

You're fired

2011-05-11T05:32:00.004-05:00

Whom do you need to fire? Is anyone or anything hurting you rather than helping you? Are there transactions in your life that feel uneven? Are you giving a lot more to someone or something than you're receiving? If it's a thing (job, appliance, computer application), does it serve you or do you serve it?

Fire them or it. Not with drama, but quietly move on. It could be that social media application you're addicted to, your cell phone company, your job, or a friend. Do this regularly and you'll find a more more fulfilling life.

Options

2010-12-31T09:44:00.001-06:00

Recently I’ve been reading Boundaries, which has me thinking about boundaries with myself, kids, marriage, work, and friendships. I’ve enjoyed it quite a bit in spite of it being painful at times. It has been very effective in bringing my shortcomings and growth opportunities to the surface.

Before I read the book, I stumbled across a truth the book has served to formalize. Levi was having trouble going to sleep at night and kept marching to our bedroom, crying and refusing to go to bed. We tried just about everything, until one night I asked him, “Do you want the door OPEN or CLOSED?” I knew the answer. He wanted it open. But that night, as a complete accident, he whispered, “Open,” calmed down, and fell asleep.

So I tried it again. And every night since. It turns out that Levi responds well to options. He doesn’t like it when you say, “Levi stop crawling over your mother at the dinner table.” He’ll respond much better to, “Would you like to eat dinner in the chair or go sit quietly in your room?” He takes former most of the time. It’s up to him.

Months later, Boundaries has helped me formalize this into a way of treating my children. It turns out when you tell people what the limits are and give them consequences for crossing the limits, you can leave the choice up to him. No more controlling, yelling, or flailing around. Just say, “Would you like to do X or have consequence Y? It’s totally up to you.” This has worked wonders for our stress level as a family during difficult situations. And it all comes back to boundaries in young children: they want to know that they are in control of their world and that ultimately there is a point at which others stop and they begin. It’s a fundamental human need to know that one exists separate from others.

When I was flailing around trying to control them into doing what I wanted them to do, I nonverbally told them, “You don’t start at any point. You do whatever I say, therefore there is no will for you to exercise, therefore you don’t exist.” Any rational person, even a two year old, will respond, in essence, with, “The hell I don’t!”

Strain the gnat, swallow the camel

2010-11-01T09:26:00.003-05:00

I saw a commercial yesterday while watching the little football I could muster about the new 2011 Ford Edge. It's a beautiful car that I would love to own with some great technology. But that's not why I'm writing this post.

The marketers of this vehicle thought it would be smart to show how the technology in the car could help save money. They touted the car's ability to show you the most fuel efficient route. They also have a way to look up the cheapest gas in the area. Those are great features and the user interface looks quite stunning, especially with the animations. But there's one catch here:

You're spending $35,000 MSRP on a vehicle.

$35,000.

How much gas would you have to save to make that up? How many "fuel efficient detours" would you need to embark upon to make that up?

I'm fine with people buying a car because they like it, because they want to drive fast, for the convenience, or even because they want to look cool. Go ahead. Have some fun in life if that's what you want to do. But don't go buy a $35,000 car so you can find the most fuel efficient route on the way to work.

Cash vs. Credit on Cars and Homes

2010-10-14T16:40:00.002-05:00

I've read a lot of financial advice that suggests that you finance a car and a house.

On the car side, the argument is that a nice reliable new car is worth more than scraping along with used junkers that leave you stranded.

On the house side, the argument is that it's a forced savings plan, the interest is tax deductible, and you could invest what you would put in paying off your house and put it in a nice investment and get more out of it. This is especially true now that interest rates are 3%.

But let's look at it this way: if you're buying a house with cash, would you spend as much money? If you're buying a new car with cash, would you do the same? So rather than compare apples to apples between a car payment or not, think about the fact that you would spend less money overall going the cash way, which would pay off in the long term.

Care Bears!

2010-09-02T20:58:00.002-05:00

We went to parents night on Monday night and found out that Samuel is in the Care Bears class. Last year he was in the superstars class, which is a great name for a class. But this year...Care Bears. I thought I'd make the most of it, so I got home and said to Samuel, "Hey you know what class YOU'RE in????" "CARE BEARS!!!!" A few minutes Samuel came up to me with his hands up like claws and said, "I'm a Care Bear, RRRROOOOOOAAAAARRRR!!!" Then he took a (fake) bite out of my belly. That's my boy.

Cognitive Distortions leading to Depression

2010-07-05T14:49:00.002-05:00

Recently, as a part of trying to get over some spiritually abusive situations I was a part of, I read a few books on perfectionism. It turns out that spiritually abusive situations are most likely rooted in some form of perfectionism. It surprised me to realize that even though my theology was very much rooted in the Grace of God through Jesus Christ, my spiritual practice was plagued with perfectionism.

When I looked into perfectionism a bit more, I found some good books on cognitive distortions that are made that feed into perfectionism. I got these through two books: Never Good Enough: Freeing Yourself From the Chains of Perfectionism and Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy.

The idea here is that most depression comes about as a result of a cognitive distortion, or thinking error. Depression and perfectionism are linked very closely because you expect a perfect world and when that doesn't happen you get depressed. Here are the thinking errors mentioned (I'm linking to a good source for more information if you're interested):

All or Nothing Thinking, when you can't be comfortable with a situation if anything about it is wrong. You can't love America because Obama or Bush is President. You can't like your job because their benefits aren't good enough. You can't just work 40-50 hours a week because you can't stand the thought of everything not getting done. Church doesn't count unless it's exactly like what they do in the Bible. Everything else, with this thinking, doesn't count.
Overgeneralization, when you label yourself with a bad label because of a minor detail. "I'm a bad parent" after you lost your temper with your kids. "I'm just not spiritual" because you didn't check off everything on your spiritual checklist. You end up dealing with a much worse label than really is there, and thus become unnecessarily depressed.
Mental Filter, where you take the bad part out of a conversation and filter everything else out. I've been in reviews before where I got a great rating and my boss raved about my work 90% of the time, but I leave thinking about the 10% of bad stuff that was talked about. By the time I filtered stuff out, I ended up feeling depressed and thinking I was on the verge of getting fired, when the exact opposite was true.
Disqualifying the Positive, when positive things happen to you only by chance, or accident. "I was just in the right place at the right time." So you never get to celebrate success, or it doesn't count for some reason, and you get depressed with the negativity left over.
Jumping to Conclusions (Mind Reading or Fortune Telling), "They think I'm an idiot", or "If I suggest that, I'll be laughed out of the room." You end up having to deal with a reality that isn't real; it's made up by your fortune telling.
Magnification (Catostrophizing) or Minimalization, "This department started a rumor about my team, so we're finished." When you take something that is rationally not a big deal and blow it way out of proportion.
Emotional Reasoning, when you make what you feel reality even though the evidence might dictate otherwise. If you feel nervous about speaking in front of people, that might not mean you're in real danger; it just might be that you're nervous.
Should Statements, "I should be reading my bible every day" turns into a vicious cycle of trying to perform and then getting depressed because you can't perform. The shoulds aren't usually ones that you want anyways. So get rid of them. And take it easy on yourself.
Labeling or Mislabeling, "I'm a computer programmer; I don't interact well with people" will make you unhappy because ultimately you're not some fixed labelled person; you're capable of growing and trying new things. The minute you put yourself in a box with fixed, eternal limitations is the minute you're going to get depressed.
Personalization, "My wife is mad that I didn't have the house clean, she must realize that I'm a horrible person." When you take a complex situation and say to it, "I'm bad."

The book I read on the cognitive distortions talks about how to systematically take these thinking errors and turn them around to find the real truth. They say that studies have shown that this is more effective than medicine alone in treating depression. It's amazing how powerful our cognition is.

The "Chosen" Demographic

2010-04-04T22:06:00.002-05:00

When I was in my twenties I used to hear that the most coveted demographic was the 18-29 year olds. I would hear that advertisers just salivated over this chosen demographic! A particular show would go off the air, not because it didn't have a large enough audience, but because...wait for it...the 18-29 year olds didn't watch it!

I remember feeling kind of special when I heard those stories. Advertisers are clamoring for me! Aren't I special?

What no one told me, and what I wish would be pasted on the bulletin board of every college-oriented organization, is this:

The reason advertisers covet 18-29 year olds is because, on average, they're stupid with their money and don't think about the future. Stupid people who lack perspective are much easier to sell to.

I really really wish I would have heard this 10 years ago. It would have saved me a lot of money. But no, I was stupid and spent a lot of money on crap. And so, rather than "overcome" normal, I fell right into it.

Simplicity Prevails with Finances

2010-03-20T08:33:00.004-05:00

Last week I got a coupon in the mail. It was from my bank, Chase, offering me $100 to open a savings account. I called the bank and they said that I needed to maintain a minimum balance of $1500 in my account, but that was it. I went to the bank and opened the account.

Then I learned through Dave Ramsey about CheckingFinder.com. Through CheckingFinder.com, I found out about Grand Bank of Texas in Grand Prarie, which is offering 4.52% interest on their checking accounts on balances up to $25K. That's up to $1130 in interst a year! That's better than any rewards credit card could do, provided that you carry a high balance. The fact that we're a month ahead from using YNAB, are saving for yearly expenses, and will be building up 3-6 months of expenses as Dave Ramsey's baby step 3 very shortly means that we'll have a high balance, so that makes sense for us.

So this morning, assuming Annie feels up for it, we'll go to the new bank and open our account. But what about the $100 from the savings account? I read the fine print and you have to have the account open for six months to keep the money. And you have to have it linked to a checking account, which needs direct deposit.

So what am I going to do? I'm going to give them back the $100. If there's one thing I learned through my 2010 finances revolution, it's that banks and credit card companies will play games with you, making you think that you're getting ahead. This happened last year with a Banana Republic Credit Card. "You'll save 10% on every purchase!!!!" They didn't mention that we would spend more AND that their site was a confusing maze that left you not knowing when the bill was due. They kept sending us coupons "if you'll use the card this month we'll give you $20 off!!!" We would comply, focusing on our $20 instead of the fact that we were broke and going nowhere financially.

I say no more to that. No more games. My finances are MY finances, and I'm not going to be controlled by these companies any more. That's NOT how you get ahead with finances. You keep it simple, maintain a good budget, and focus on one thing at a time. It's not through credit card points, shopping discounts, bonus coupons; those are just ploys to keep you broke.

C.O.U.P.L.E. from Love and Respect

2010-02-06T13:01:00.002-06:00

Annie and I recently attended a Love and Respect conference, a conference about how to relate to your spouse in marriage. I thought his description of women's needs was pretty good, so I thought I would blog about it. Dr. Eggerichs used an acronym "COUPLE" to describe the basic needs of women in relationships:

Closeness, women want to be face to face with you and relate. This is as opposed to the shoulder to shoulder relating that men usually do. Compare two men watching a football game with a couple of ladies at Starbucks at one of those really small tables. So as a husband, it's a good idea to look for face to face time to bless your wife. (see Gen 2:24)
Openness. This happens to me all the time. I have a hard day at work and come home and I don't want to talk to anyone. Annie then thinks I'm mad at her. Women really want to know where you stand, and even if I really don't want to talk about it, I could be loving and let her in on where I'm at, even if it's that I had a hard day at work and would like to chill out for a few minutes. (see Col 3:19)
Understanding. women want to know that you understand how they feel, that you are empathizing with them. This is compared to a typical situation where the guy is trying to solve the problem he sees. Identifying and solving a problem is much different than understanding and empathizing. (see 1 Peter 3:7)
Peacemaking. women aren't as comfortable with unreconciled and unresolved situations. This is a place where Annie and I are flipped. I'm much more uncomfortable with unresolved issues than she is. (see Matt 9:5-6)
Loyalty. women feel love when they see that you are loyal to them, not only sexually, but also in your attention, time, money, affection.
Esteem. women feel love when you treasure them above all else. She's not a means to an end. She's not an object. She's not something to show off. She's not something to be kicked aside when she's not having a good day. She's a treasure. And she's my secret. Nobody knows how good I have it. She's precious. And she's all mine.

Hope you learned a thing or two about showing love to a typical woman. While every relationship is different, Dr. Eggerichs' acronym is a great place to start when thinking about how to love a woman.

Mvelopes vs. YNAB, Part 3: Customer-Driven over Business Plan-Driven Software

2010-01-02T08:46:00.002-06:00

When Annie and I started using Mvelopes back in 2002, it was a Windows program that simply allowed you to divide your monthly income into envelopes and then download your transactions to your computer. The software was $35 or so to use and I don't remember having a monthly fee to download transactions. It worked well for us; we managed to survive the first two years of marriage and some career changes for Annie.

The problem with this, for the makers of Mvelopes, was that they weren't making as much money as they wanted. In software, one-time revenue won't get you where you need to be, most of the time. What you need is recurring revenue. For example, if you can charge a customer a few dollars a month, they'll end up paying hundreds over a few years time. If you charged them fifty bucks instead, you're missing out on a lot of money.

So the makers of Mvelopes (in2m, renamed to finicity) decided that their Windows program wasn't the best way to do this. People expect software on their computer to not continue to charge them for use. But software over the internet is a different story. The software is now running on the company's servers, and with all the expense that creates, we can charge you $15 a month to use the software. So Mvelopes moved their software (in my opinion) from a windows-based platform to a web-based platform primarily because it solved their business needs.

I remember back when they were moving to a web platform (probably 2004ish) I called them one day and they were so excited that you can finally drag and drop a transaction into its envelope. I wanted to scream to them that they were completely distracted from serving their customers; they needed to provide a solid, usable system for managing money. Drag and drop was not going to help this. Their problem was that they were comitted to their business plan over serving their customers. Now, don't get me wrong, their business plan involved serving their customers, but it was the primary driver in their software, not the needs of the customers. And that remains through today. This makes Mvelopes frustrating to use: you have a crappy Mobile Phone Browser access to Mvelopes because developing an iPhone application is outside of their business plan. You have an Adobe (who-knows-what-technology-this-is) nightmare of a platform where everything is slow and must be done with the mouse. You have features that don't have an overall philosophy because their overall philosophy is to drive recurring revenue up through as many people as possible. And the number of subscribers they're trying to get eliminates the niche market that YNAB creates. Which is why I've switched.

YNAB takes a different approach. I really get the impression that the creator of YNAB primarily cares about creating budget software that works for people who are serious about budgeting. My impression is that everything else (revenue, new features, etc.) serves that end. So you get a program that runs on your machine. You get an xml data file that you could do anything you wanted with. You get a single priced license with minimal upgrades. You get a plan that works for people like me, who want to spend some extra time and energy getting our financial world in order and can use some direction. He's not trying to be a millionare, first. And because of all this, this guy is going to be very successful.

In the future, he might need to change his business plan and try to drive some recurring revenue. Or he may need to charge for some yearly upgrades that include new features, and possibly add a maintenance plan for people to get a lot of updates every year. But the truth would still hold that this isn't the first thing he went for. He went for a niche market and nailed it. And since I am in that niche market, that makes me very happy.

Mvelopes vs. YNAB, Part 2: Adaption over Stagnation

2009-12-28T11:50:00.004-06:00

This is part 2 in a series I'm doing comparing two budgeting products I've used, Mvelopes and YNAB. When using a budgeting program, a key question one should ask is, "How am I going to actually stick with this?" Budget programs are great, but if you don't stick with it, they're worthless.

A key element of sticking with a budget program is how well is adapts to your changing financial picture throughout the days, months, and years. Coming up with a spending plan is only a first step; the real power comes with sticking with a good plan for where your goals are at right now.

With Mvelopes, you're mostly focused on the envelope balances and how much you have to spend. When something unexpected happens, you transfer from one envelope to another to balance it out. They even have a nice "sweep" feature that helps balance everything out. Mvelopes does a great job telling you how much money you have to spend.

Unfortunately, though, there is too much of a separation between the question "how much do I have to spend?" with the other relevant questions, "How much have I spent?" and "how much have I budgeted for this, and is it realistic?"

Without having the latter two questions in front of you all the time, you have boundaries around your spending categories (your envelopes go to zero, then you're done), but you don't have any context around those boundaries to take them seriously or adapt to them if they're unrealistic.

Let me give an example. Let's say you budget $500 a month for groceries. With Mvelopes, you would see that number go down and possibly go negative at the end of the month. You would then take money from another envelope (say Entertainment) to even it out. Then you would start over again.

But let's say you consistently go over. And you do that song and dance every month. You're doing a lot of work to move money around, when the real problem is that you should probably have $600 a month for groceries. Without that spending plan in front of you, though, you don't know that and, if you're the member of the family that doesn't do the spending plan, you probably won't care either.

This is the genius of YNAB. You have a budget screen which is more complicated than Mvelopes. The envelope balances are there, but they are sitting next to the amount budgeted and amount spend. With that context, though, you'll see trends that you wouldn't see with just an envelope balance.

Another great thing about YNAB is what they call Rule #4, which is to roll with the punches. With YNAB, if you overspend in groceries, it will just come out of next month's budget and you can have a lean month next month. If you see that happening a lot (which you will, because the months are right there for you to see), then you can adjust your budget. No more scrambling around making envelope balances budget.

YNAB shows a great principle of software: sometimes a user needs to see the context around which their decisions are made. Simplifying the view that they see to only one part (the "how much do I have to spend" part, in this case) can actually keep the user from seeing the big picture enough to have a sustainable, adaptable, financial plan.

But because changing the spending plan is so much of a chore in Mvelopes (due to having to split up each check into categories), you tend to try to not change your spending plan very often. So problems with your spending fund go unnoticed longer. For example, if you are underfunding your grocery envelope, you won't know it with Mvelopes for a few months if you're a normal person using the normal program.

Mvelopes vs. YNAB, Part 1: Convention over Configuration

2009-12-28T11:33:00.003-06:00

When I married Annie seven years ago this past Monday, I knew immediately that we needed a good budgeting program to get us through our marriage. We both knew that finances can become a huge burden in marriage, and we wanted to be proactive. Fortunately, we found Mvelopes.

Recently, I have been changing things around financially and have preferred a program You Need a Budget (or YNAB for short) over Mvelopes. Both programs are created by Mormons in Utah who have a knack for budgeting (believe me, I grew up Mormon; they know a thing or two about budgeting). Both programs allow you to create a zero-based spending plan where every dollar you make is allocated to a spending category. Both programs allow you to separate categories into mini-accounts to allow you to save up for something over time (like your vacation, for instance) so you can plan ahead for a rainy day. But there are some distinct differences between the two programs. In the next few days, I'll write a few posts on the differences between the two.

When writing a program, you inevitably have many users come to you saying "Your program won't do this thing for me, can you add it?" Then you want to add it but there are other users who want it the old way. So what do you do? You can either make your program more complex by adding extra options or you can stick to what you're good at, hoping there's enough of a market for it, but leaving some people out.

And that's the story of the big difference between Mvelopes and YNAB. Mvelopes took the path of pleasing what it hoped to be a broad market and YNAB took the path of having a narrow, strict view of budgeting but within that narrow, strict view, simply excelling.

Take the approach to a spending plan, for example. With Mvelopes, you create a yearly spending plan, where you divide each check you get into your envelopes. While this sounds very simple to explain, in reality it's a huge pain in the neck. Who wants to be enslaved by their financial program to have to constantly divide all paychecks into envelopes? If they were reading this post, they would say that you don't have to do it that way. There's an option to live a month ahead, or to consolidate your checks into one, or probably a few other things I haven't heard of. Mvelopes is flexible, and so it can address a broad market.

What about YNAB? He says you live on last month's paychecks. Period. If you don't commit yourself to doing it that way when you get the software, you might as well not use the software. It's a simple rule. And it really makes the software much easier to use because it doesn't open up the dozens of ways people approach budgeting, like Mvelopes does. It's narrow in its thinking, and therefore, for those who adopt its methodology, it's simpler and easier. And, best of all, it works much better and is a lot less work.

It's much better for software to tell you, "Here's how you should do this" than give you a million options and choose yourself. This is especially true if those behind the software are the experts, not you. When I'm using software at work, I want options because I am a professional. When I'm using software for budgeting, I want a clear, simple plan for getting the most out of my spending plan without a lot of work. YNAB offers me that. Mvelopes offers me a lot of options.

#notperfect: A Celebration of Chilling Out

2009-12-07T12:45:00.005-06:00

I have been dealing lately with my unhealthy need to be perfect with everything. In a mysterious irony, I have accepted and believe in a religion that preaches grace, love, peace, and joy as its tenets, but have felt like I still need to prove my worth to God, myself, and others through going above and beyond and being perfect.

It turns out this way of thinking if very destructive. I have grown to hate it because it sucks the life out of every relationship I have (including, that with God). And so, in celebrating my imperfections, I'm going to start a topic on twitter and facebook #notperfect where I'll post ways in which I celebrate that it's ok that I'm not perfect and make mistakes, but have peace and joy in the midst of the imperfections.

I hope you enjoy my celebration, and if you would like to join in, just write something in this format:

Today [I did something] #notperfect

Here's my first one:

Today I told myself I wouldn't get on drudge report. I've been on four times and it's lunch time. #notperfect

I got the basic idea from a site that's pretty funny, if sometimes crude: FML.

YNAB Rule #1: Live on Last Month's Income

2009-11-29T15:44:00.003-06:00

Since I tried using Microsoft Money back in the mid 1990s, I have tried numerous budgeting methods and found very few that work. An important element of a budgeting program is how it deals with cashflow. There are roughly three ways I have seen software handle it:

1) Manage the Account Balance Directly. This is the traditional method that Microsoft Money and Quicken both use. What you do here is create a budget and then make sure that your accounts won't overdraft throughout the month. You're basically doing what you would do normally by checking your bills against the account and just making sure you'll have enough money.

The main advantage of this is that you do what you have always been doing: live paycheck to paycheck, except you now have software to make it easier.

The disadvantage is that oftentimes it feels like much more of a chore to track your finances when you're not getting much of a benefit out of it. What I mean is you still have to check the balance throughout the month, but now you also have to enter all your receipts in and check another program while you're at it. This seems to be a sure thing for something that will be abandoned in the near future.

2) Split up Paychecks as You Go, Ignore Account Balances. This is the method that most Mvelopes users would use. At each payday you simply split up each paycheck into the parts you need to pay and then make sure you don't spend more than the amount of money in each envelope. If you do this, you no longer have to keep track of your account balances.

The disadvantage is that it can become quite complicated to figure out how to split up those checks. Does your electric bill go out of the first check or the second? What about the credit card? What happens when things change? Mvelopes helps you plan this out with its concept of a Funding Profile, but it's still a lot of work to figure out how to split up those paychecks. And with a lot of work, you're less likely to stick with it.

3) Live on Last Month's Income. The YNAB way is that you use last month's income to pay for this month's expenses. This makes things a lot more straightforward for the budgeter. At the beginning of each month, you know exactly how much you have to spend on that month, because you just made it last month. If you live on a variable income, that's ok, because you're never in risk of spending money you don't have; you only spend the money you mad last month.

The obvious disadvantage here is that most people are living paycheck to paycheck and couldn't get by with last month's income because last month's income was already spent last month. There are a few ways you can deal with this, and if you put your mind to it, it will go much faster than you thought. Here is what I have done or plan on doing:

Realize that living on last month's income is different than being a month ahead. I get paid on December 18, and if I can stand to not spend that money until January, I'm halfway to my goal. The next month for me is even easier. I get paid on January 29, so it should be pretty easy to not spend that money until February.
Call up your bills and ask if they can change their due date forward to the first of the next month. This puts you a month ahead for that amount of money, even if the timing is a matter of days.
Plan on having a lean month where you don't have a lot of extra expenses. This is what we're planning on January being for us. If you can drop your expenses and keep yourself from spending the money you make this month, then you'll make a lot of progress in this pursuit.
Wait for a month in which you make three paychecks, if you're paid biweekly. This happens twice a year (January is next for me). Don't spend that money and save it for the next month.
Get a part time job to make some extra money

The founder of the site says that it should take 4-5 months to be able to follow this rule. It will take us 2 months if everything goes as planned. And with that hard work we'll be able to deal with a financial situation that is much simpler and will allow us to focus on our broader financial goals instead of laboriously balancing our accounts or splitting up each individual paycheck every month.

Leaving Mvelopes, Finding YNAB

2009-11-28T09:45:00.005-06:00

When I got married back in 2002, I realized that our biggest challenge was finances. We went into the marriage with tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt, tens of thousands of dollars in student loan debt, and a car note. On top of that, I was just starting my career and didn't make that much money, and Annie was going into a career in casting that did not pay a regular amount like normal jobs did.

Fortunately, I found a new program (at the time) called Mvelopes. Mvelopes at the time was a program that run on the desktop that would divide your monthly

income into a virtual envelopes and spend out of those instead of looking at your bank account and budget priorities. A weakness (w

e thought at the time) was that it made you get a month ahead with your envelopes, but in later years it solved that problem by letting you divide each paycheck into your envelopes and work your budget just like you were using cash.

Mvelopes has worked very well for us in the past, especially in the beginning. In fact, my wife remains a fan. We managed to pay off over $40,000 in debt during the first years of our marriage, part of the time dealing with Annie switching from casting to teaching (and the associated graduate school) and back to casting. Our results were phenomenal.

But recently our financial progress has stalled a bit. I was impressed with YNAB (You Need a Budget) a few years ago, but thought it lacked in features I wanted, but I still decided to keep it on my blog reader. Recently, the creator of

YNAB mentioned his newest release that has impressed me enough to make the switch.

I haven't completely switched yet, and I am currently using his old version which lacks some functionality I want, but the methodology itself has caused me to rethink budgeting and has gotten me excited about the financial freedom this software will create for my family. Another great thing about YNAB is that it is not subscription-based. With Mvelopes, I would pay $130 a year for the software. With YNAB, I only pay $50 for a one-time purchase, with minor updates being free.

I highly recommend YNAB for people serious about budgeting and willing to take difficult steps towards financial freedom. For those casually looking at budgeting and wanting to simply track how much they spend eating out, perhaps Mint or even Quicken Online would be the best choice. If you're in the middle Mvelopes is an expensive, but still viable alternative.

Delirious, Gone for Now

2009-10-24T23:37:00.000-05:00

Tonight I went to Delirious’ final North American concert, for now at least. The band is breaking up after a few final concerts in the UK in November.

I first heard Delirious when Tim Wright bought me their Live and in the Can CD on a trip to Anaheim, CA for a worship conference in 1996. I was instantly a fan and caught their vision of “taking it wherever it goes” which meant doing a lot of spontaneous singing in their concerts. I had never heard anything quite like that.

A year later, I heard they were playing at the Cornerstone festival in Bushnell, Illinois, so I made my way up to that area of the US and heard them live for the first time.

My favorite song of theirs is probably History Maker. I remember one time I played History Maker in a singles group and through my pride told all of them that they weren’t too old to be history makers. What a fool I was. But I loved the song and it really gave me a vision for dreaming something beyond myself.

I really thought in the late 1990s there was an opening for Delirious to get a foothold in the worship market, that at the time was still in its infancy. You have to remember at that time on something like KLTY you would hear a bunch of “positive” songs about God, but none meant to sing in church. Delirious had a relevant sound that was actually sang to God, and it could be big.

For whatever reason, the band saw things differently. They saw their home country drifting further away from God and they wanted to impact those at home, through more of an approachable and “secular” sound. Thus, Mezzanine Floor and Waiting for the Summer were two albums that were meant to attract the masses. Unfortunately, they didn’t and Delirious found themselves with a bad strategy.

So they switched back to what they did best and put out some worship albums. By then though they had alienated their core fans (including me) and their momentum was gone. Others had began to establish themselves as at the forefront of the worship genre (like Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, Mercy Me) and Delirious didn’t seem to do as well.

Which led me to tonight. That is quite a history over the past 13 years and I have quite a lot of experience with Delirious in the background. I remembered a lot of great memories I had with their music. I saw how Martin Smith performed and saw how I have copied his style of performance (but he copied Bono so who knows). I’m glad I got the opportunity to see them one last time. I hope that they will do it again sometime, but until then, Delirious, thanks for the memories.

Grace to Believe

2009-10-15T07:43:00.005-05:00

I've been thinking a lot over the past couple of years about grace. It turns out I had been talking up grace while living a life devoid of it. I'd like to share a few ways I have done this.

The first way that jumps out is how I would refer to the faith of others. If someone stopped going to church, or even if they were from a completely different denomination (like, say Episcopal), then I would think that they probably weren't really Christians. One would also need to believe the right thing about how one's debt of sin to God was paid off, whether one's actions had anything to do with that forgiveness of debt, and what one was being saved from (eternal damnation was the only right answer).

The problem with this is that it led me to become obsessed with believing the right thing about everything. This leads to an important life lesson: You will show grace to yourself to the same degree that you show grace to others. And let me tell you, trying to nail down all of life's questions for fear that the wrong answer might lead to something bad is truly insane.

And it's not really grace at all. It's a complete redefinition of the word. Grace should lead to joy and peace; or in other words it should lead to a life where you relax, not where you try harder to meet the standard. The point of grace, as I see it, is that you don't measure up. When you accept that and stop trying to be the center of the universe, you will then find happiness, or as Jesus calls it "eternal life" (notice he says you can "have" present tense eternal life).

This bastardization of Grace I was under was a very unique form of hell: the overarching belief that you are right mixed with the inexhaustible effort to prove it.

Do friendships survive without cathartic moments?

2009-10-09T13:50:00.007-05:00

One of the hardest things to deal with in the past two years is friends that we have had that have not seen things as we did in our old church. One of the big draws to our old church was its connectedness and community, and it has been difficult to see many relationships we had fade away.

We had a strange situation when leaving our previous church. Many we were the closest to at the church had no idea what we were talking about when we alleged that the environment in our previous church was extremely unhealthy. Most of those we weren't close to knew exactly what we were talking about. So it seemed that the closer we were to someone, the less they agreed with our take on the nature of our previous church.

And that's fine. I'm not out to get everyone to agree with me. In fact, I think it's healthy and good that those around me don't agree with me.

What has been tough is how we haven't really talked about it. And in not talking about it, I have the sneaking suspicion that they think I'm crazy. And it's hard to be close with people who may think you're crazy. So in the disagreement the relationship drifts apart. Which I guess is good or healthy. If you don't see things the same way in the very area that brought you together, you will naturally grow further apart. That's so easy to type but so painful to experience over time.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I have this need for people to say, "Wow, I can see why you feel that way," when I deal with the feelings that come with a crisis in my life. Without that, there isn't much there for a friendship to survive.

Afraid to do wrong

2009-10-09T13:24:00.006-05:00

One of the unspoken rules I have lived under in past churches was:

If you do something you must do it the right way or not at all

On its face this seems to be a fairly rational course of action; why waste your time with activities that are or may be clearly wrong? Since I've moved on from my last church, I've grown to appreciate how destructive this thinking can be.

The key to understanding how this rule can be a trap is, who decides what the right way is? If the person who decides what is right and wrong abuses that power, then you have a trap. Let me illustrate from my experience. In my old church, an unspoken rule was that you couldn't really leave on good terms in the church unless you met with the pastor beforehand. Then you found out when you met the pastor, the focus would turn on you and there would be something wrong with you (e.g., selfishness, bad attitude, some other sin) that was making you want to leave. Thus, it is virtually impossible to leave "the right way" because the way the definer (the pastor in this case) defined it, you would either (1) not come to him first, thus do it the wrong way, or (2) have something wrong with you that you didn't deal with and left anyway.

When I finally left my old church, I realized how destructive this rule was to my mental and spiritual well being and decided to stop following it. It no longer mattered to me whether I may have been doing something wrong at some point. I was no longer captive to perfectionism. What mattered more, (and ironically I learned this principle in the same church against which I was rebelling) was that I live in honesty and transparency.

In other words, if my honesty and transparency led me to do something wrong then in my mind that wrong thing was there the whole time and it's just being known by others. If talking about my feelings was wrong to people, then what about how I was feeling in the first place? Isn't that the more important thing?

I think the best thing to do when one encounters this rule is to run away as fast as one can. The minute perfectionism creeps into an organization someone is likely to take advantage of other people. It's inevitable because perfectionism has no basis in reality. I believe that's why I am a Christian. Who would have thought that I would have had to flee that in a Christian church?

Who is it for?

2009-10-09T05:54:00.004-05:00

Another good indication of an organization's health is to what extent the organization is about the leader(s) and to what extent the organization is about the people it exists to serve.

I had a dream about this where my church was having a joint service with my old churches and invariably one of my old pastors was there. I walked up to him and said, "How are you doing?" He said to me, "I'm doing horribly, terribly, and I don't want to talk to you." Then his wife and him whispered something and she glared at me.

That dream reminded me of this principle. When confronted with any situation, it seemed that he had to remind me constantly about what he felt, both good and bad. When I was going to his church, there was a strange importance around his beliefs, his feelings, his theology, his opinions about things, him. When I left the church and disagreed with some aspects of it and wrote a blog, that focus was on how hurt he was, how terrible of a thing this was to do to him, etc. It was never, "Wow, Michael, you seem to be in a bad place right now. Can we talk? How can I help you?"

This extended into even the good things. My pastor had sacrificed financially for the church to survive. But we ended up knowing about it. He was tireless in meeting with people, sometimes until early in the mornings. We knew about that too. In the good and the bad, even in the midst of service, it felt strangely like it was all about him.

Another thing that reminds me about this principle is when pastors complain about how hard their job is. I understand that being a pastor is emotionally difficult, but so is a lot of other things. Guess what? My job is difficult. I could rant on and on about how difficult my job is, how stressful it is, but I don't because I know that chances are you who are reading this has a difficult job too. I believe that is the nature of work. And besides, and back to the point of the post, does this exist for the leader or the people?

In my workplace, which I consider to be mostly healthy (but not perfect; nothing is), the leaders don't constantly remind us about how hard their jobs are. They don't take extended vacations while we work so they can recover from the ravages of leading a large organization. In fact, I get the distinct impression that they're most concerned with how to help us, the ones who work, act in such a way that the customer and shareholders will be satisfied. And, I don't find myself thinking about them really. That's healthy: they get out of the way so I can help accomplish the bigger goal in serving our customers and shareholders.

So I believe that's a good litmus test of an organization's health. How much of the people's time is spent thinking about (both the good and the bad) the leadership's opinions? Are the elders, pastoral staff, CEO, executives rock stars that people fawn over? If so, you may be in an organization that fosters a cult of personality, and that unfortunate reality will likely hurt you sooner than you may like to admit.

Protecting the Reputation

2009-10-01T19:45:00.003-05:00

When I blogged in disagreement with my former church a while back, someone suggested I stop on the grounds that it is not good for the church's reputation to have disagreements out in the open. The thought came from good intentions, probably from experience with people who say something like this:

I would go to church but there are so many hypocrites and back biters there.

So the thinking goes you cut down on the public disagreement so people will not have the good part of church clouded out by the bad part of church.

I disagree with this approach. I think it's good and healthy to publicly disagree about church matters. Let me state my case and you can judge for yourselves.

For the sake of argument, we'll accept that there exists a large number of people out there who are disillusioned with church for one reason or another. And we'll accept that we want to minimize this disillusionment so that people can have an appropriate, healthy view of church which we hope is positive.

What is the best way of going about this? Is it hiding every problem from clear view so that, it is thought, only the good is publicly shown? That seems like the obvious answer, but unfortunately it falls short. Here's why: when a church habitually hides disagreement it never really fixes the problem that the disagreement brought up. The way I understand power in organizations, people who aren't checked by others, especially those who disagree with them, are not going to change. They will be blinded by their power and the organization will settle into its natural weaknesses.

In plainer English, the pastor who never has to deal with public criticism will end up with a church that has institutionalized its weaknesses. And therefore, it won't matter what isn't said about the church, people will see it for what it is and hate it.

The remedy? Honesty! Honesty is the best way for an organization to properly deal with its weaknesses. Having open, honest dialog, especially with those who most passionately disagree with you. A church that laid down its ego and embraced that path would become healthy enough to ward off the disillusionment of the unchurched community to a far greater extent than keeping secrets ever would.

Why blame setting reveals the true nature of organizations

2009-09-30T22:07:00.003-05:00

Earlier I wrote about how the placing of initial blame when allegations of abuse or leveled is so important in determining the true health of the organization. I'd like to investigate this further to reveal a fact of organizations that I've only recently appreciated.

Here's the nugget in a nutshell: An organization will take allegations seriously to the degree that those allegations violate the organization's true core values.

So let me unpack this for a moment. Lets say we have a truly sexually abusive workplace from the early 1970's before good sexual harassment litigation made such environments legally prohibitive. The organization is infested with abuse, from top to bottom. If you were to approach the organization and ask them if any abuse goes on, what would they say? They would probably say, "No abuse goes on here, we treat the girls with a lot of respect!"

So lets take this a bit further and imagine a woman who was propositioned by her male boss. She goes to her boss' boss about it and alleges the abuse. What happens?

Well, despite the explicit claim that no abuse happens in the organization, their exists an implicit value system that says that anyone who alleges abuse is being overly sensitive, a baby, and a trouble maker. The abuser, in these unhealthy organizations, is just being a normal guy.

So what kind of response does the accuser get in this situation? Probably scorn. And then a healthy dose of character assassination, probably through a whispering campaign. And finally, if the organization is really bad, the accuser can expect to loser their job and their reputation in the community. It is a big price to pay.

And what to say from the organization's perspective? This is totally predictable. They are acting out of their value system. Of course they wouldn't see anything wrong with what happened; they would have probably done similar things in similar circumstances.

What are we to do with such organizations? The minute we see their true character revealed by how poorly they handle allegations of abuse, we turn around and run as fast as we can out of there. Because, if it wasn't us this time, it will be us next time. Unhealthy organizations have a way of claiming everyone as victims sooner or later.

Who gets the blame?

2009-09-30T21:49:00.004-05:00

We enter a garden variety organization. It could be a church, workplace, or civic organization. Someone approaches the leadership of this organization with allegations of abuse. The alleged abuser denies the charges. The abuse is benign enough to not warrant legal action. What is the organization to do?

I think these types of situations are a very good litmus test for an organization because they answer the basic question, "Does this organization tend to the side with the victim or the victimizer?" The answer to that question tells us the answer to the more fundamental question: "Does the organization tend to victimize or not?"

An unhealthy organization will tend to blame the one making the charges. "Well, she shouldn't have made herself available to him". "She was asking for it; she always wore revealing clothing". Or, more subtle, "He is just upset that he didn't get his way; please pray for him." I believe they call that an ad hominem argument in logic class.

The other thing an unhealthy organization will is make excuses for the alleged abuser. "Well you don't understand, he's been under a lot of pressure lately." Or "I believe God has a call on his life and want to preserve that." This is classic rationalization and if it weren't so infuriating it would be kind of comical.

So what is a healthy organization to do? I would say make the alleged victim the priority. Get him or her out of the abusive situation and get them help. Don't make excuses for other people's actions. Respect their wishes with how little or how much is said publicly. Don't make it their fault for stepping forward because they threatened the public reputation of the organization.

At the same time, get the abuser help too. Get the law involved. Get them help. But don't do so at the expense of the victim; they're in a much more vulnerable place than the victimizer.

And don't, for God's sake, make the method by which the victim communicated the abuse the issue. It's not the issue; the abuse is. I believe they call that a red herring when people do that. If someone has been abused emotionally, sexually, spiritually, or physically, they should get to choose how they communicate that fact to others.

Is free speech limited?

2009-09-30T14:14:00.004-05:00

Earlier I mentioned how important it is to judge the health of an organization by its actions, not its intentions. The biggest action to judge an organization by is how it handles open criticism that it does not agree with.

Most, if not all, Americans understand this principle when it comes to politics. If someone openly criticizes the President, for example, the President should not respond by suppressing the speech of the dissenter. In fact, even shallow attempts at suppressing speech have backfired in American politics. Openly calling the speech criminal or immoral and throwing the dissenter into prison would shake the very democratic foundations upon which our country is based.

Most also appreciate this principle in work as well. Americans pride themselves in being able to openly bring up the weaknesses and shortcomings of the organization. In fact, I drive by signs every morning criticizing American Airlines for its executive bonus payouts in the midst of layoffs. While the executives disagree with the merit of the union's argument, they aren't heavy handed in their treatment of the union. They seem like a healthy company, and in fact the law compels them to be so.

So it appears that American society has developed an appreciation for open, honest critical speech for those in organizations. This is a nice safeguard against tyranny, for the government or company that is allowed to suppress free speech is the one that will oppress its constituents.

Unfortunately there appears to be a disconnect in this principle when it applies to church. When faced with unhealthy circumstances in church, people react differently than they would in other circumstance. We give the leaders a pass on behavior that would be reprehensible in other situations because we believe it's biblical to not criticize our religious leaders.

What does this lead to? It leads to the same thing it would lead to in any other organizational environment: oppression and tyranny. The degree to which a church's membership is willing to give church leadership unchecked and unquestioned power in their lives is the degree to which the same membership will experience devastating spiritual oppression in their lives. It's a fact of organizations learned over centuries of experience, including in religious settings. We should pay heed to past lessons learned.

Judging by the Fruit

2009-09-30T07:59:00.002-05:00

I'm going to do a series of posts on organizational health in the coming days and weeks. This has been long overdue. I've basically been holding off on sharing any of my opinions in this area because I shared similar opinions a couple of years ago and got into a lot of trouble. That has turned out to not be a very healthy way of dealing with my feelings.

The first thing I often hear when discussing whether an organization is healthy is something along the lines of, "the people have good intentions." You hear this with Democrats a lot. Yes, they passed an extremely bloated stimulus bill in the spring that had no business becoming law, but they care about poor people so everything is ok.

It turns out intentions have little to do with whether an organization is healthy. I believe Jesus said that you can know a tree by its fruit.

The reason why Jesus' advice is so good is because most people think that they're doing the right thing most of the time. Even when leading an unhealthy organization, people feel as if they are doing the right thing. In other words, they have good intentions. For whatever reason, whether it's rooted in a personal mental malady or a philosophical bent towards unhealthiness, the organization they run is unhealthy.

So what are we to do when understanding which organizations are healthy and which are unhealthy? The answer is not to look at what the organizations are telling us. All organizations will tell you that they have only the best intentions for you. I can go to the most abusive church in America and ask the pastor, "what are your intentions for me?" and he would probably say something along the lines of, "For you to live the life that God wants for you."

The real way to judge an organization's healthiness is to look at its actions. How does it respond to people? This is especially important when looking at ways the organization responds to criticism and situations that threaten its worldview.

An example of the latter is a socialist dictator (like Hugo Chavez) and a rogue media organization that is speaking out against him. How does he handle that? Does he shut them down? That "fruit" tells me that he is more interested in his power than of the truth and open debate. He's not a healthy leader.

Next, we'll look deeper at a main criteria for judging an organization's health: how it handles public criticism.

The game last night

2009-09-21T09:59:00.002-05:00

I enjoyed watching the game last night with Paul and my two boys. The Cowboys made a lot of bad mistakes, some of which were flukes. There was an element of home field advantage there; the crowd seemed into it. But the Cowboys looked like the better team because you don't commit four turnovers and are still in a game and not be better than the other team.

So, if they are able to reign in the turnovers, they'll be fine. Loss or not. They look like a good team. Unfortunately the newspapers don't really say the same story. I guess doom and gloom sells.

The demise of the whiny Caillou

2009-07-07T07:26:00.003-05:00

Lately Samuel has been whiny and talking like a baby at times when he wants to get his way. I chalked it up to his age, but then I watched a few episodes of Caillou with him. It turns out that, in their esteemed brilliance, child psychologists who write the show think it's a good idea to expose 2-6 year olds with a whiny, bratty kid who walks all over his parents. While this may be the case for many 2-6 year olds, do we really need a television show portraying it?

So last night Annie and I deleted all the shows. Samuel has a rude awakening this morning when he asks for it, because Caillou is no more. He'll be way better for it.

Always on

2009-07-05T08:20:00.000-05:00

This weekend I have the kids to myself, so I’m learning a thing or two about what it means to be a stay at home mom. One of the biggest changes is managing always having to be “on” for your kids. At any point one of them can cause trouble, hit each other, fall, do something. And so you’re always aware of that and trying to protect them by preventing their immaturity from getting the best of them.

At some points this weekend I’ve had to stop and take a few deep breaths because that pervasive “responsibility”, which by itself doesn’t amount to much, added up into a worry or care that was too much for me. It’s strange that if someone stopped and asked me to rationally explain what I was feeling, I would be unable to.

I think this is due to a subtle disconnect between mothering and having a normal job. In my job, I’ll hear “You need to get A done by X” and that will be the stress point. Getting it done. With mothering, there is no deadline, no mile marker. You just have to take care of them. But at the same time, the small things in mothering, like making sure they don’t kill each other, add up to a pervasive sense of care that can really kill your personality, relationships with others, and peace in God. And, you’ll be stuck not making sense to anybody else.

The oh crap moment

2009-07-01T05:17:00.004-05:00

Last night Annie told me that Samuel was developing something of a juice box addiction. So, lo and behold after dinner at McDonald's (at which he had a juice box) and some time at the park with Chet, Stone, and baby Samuel, Samuel thought it was time for another juice box. So he asked for one.

Rewind back a couple of months. We were having trouble getting Samuel to drink any milk. Samuel would always ask for "a big ol' juice with a cup and a lid". So I decided to say, "Hey Samuel, you want a big ol' MUICE with a cup and a lid?" He got excited. That "M" meant that I would fill the cup up with milk and put not even a shot's worth of juice in it. And call it MUICE.

So back to last night. Samuel asks for a juice box, I say, "When we get home, we'll get a big ol' MUICE with a cup and a lid, OK?" He says, "NO! NOT RIGHT NOW!!!! I WANT A JUICE BOX" We go back and forth, each time he gets more and more hysterical over the situation. Then, pause.

"I want a big ol' MUICE...."

He realized his mistake immediately but it was too late.

"OK, we'll get you a big ol'..."

"NOOOOOOO!!!!!"

I think it's so cute when toddlers make a mistake like that because they don't understand mistakes very well. That lapse in judgement was the same to him as far worse things in the adult world. And that pause after saying something...the oh crap pause. That makes me laugh. I love being a dad to Samuel.

Can we appreciate literary devices or are we just idiots?

2009-06-25T07:31:00.002-05:00

I've heard of The Shack before, but have never read it. Mark Driscoll, for whom I have a great amount of respect, doesn't like the book very much:

What's surprising is that Mark is supposed to be in the "emergent" church movement, which means he's supposed to be a little more understanding of postmodern works of art, and a little less rigid/conservative/blindly Republican.

In the video, he talks about how the Father is not a woman, and how a book portraying Him as such should not be read. Does he make the same argument about the Chronicles of Narnia? C.S. Lewis thinks God is a lion! Heretic!!!

I'm amazed by our inability to step back and appreciate a literary device when we see one. Of course God is not a woman; but portraying him as such may help bring home a particular truth.

It's the same with another book a friend of mine gave me for my birthday recently. It's called A Match Made in Heaven and it's about a guy who had a heart attack and wants to live, but God says the man can live if he beats God in a round of golf. OK, that's terrible theology. God doesn't really challenge people to rounds of Golf while they are getting triple bypass surgery. But neither is the author trying to write a theological treatise on God's actions during death. He's using a common human experience (death) to illustrate some very good points about a broader meaning in life.

The beauty of privacy

2009-06-17T16:17:00.000-05:00

I’ve done quite a bit of journalling over the years, but often I’ve struggled with feeling like I had an “audience” and thus not writing about the core of my life that is most important to think about. At some points in my journalling, I’ve even referred to the future reader directly, usually making some remark about how to them it wouldn’t seem so strange because they already know how the situation I was in at the time turned out.

I’m a firm believer in a journal existing primarily, if not solely, for the writer and no one else. A journal should exist so the writer can sort through his personal life and feelings. That’s it.

That’s why I like MacJournal so far. They have really good locking features to let you lock your journal so you can make sure your entries are private, thus enabling honesty in the entries. If I know that no one will read these entries, I’m going to lay it all out, ramble, talk about how I really feel, and ultimately get more out of the activity.

Can it be? An entry from a mac?

2009-06-17T13:43:00.000-05:00

I’m trying some new things lately and one of them is to try to blog from my mac. I’m also keeping a personal journal. The program is called MacJournal and I like it so far. Now, to try to come up with the $35 it takes to do it...

Detached Insanity vs. Engaged Realism

2009-06-01T06:35:00.002-05:00

Last night, I probably shouldn't have done this, but I stumbled across an episode of Michael Irvin's Fourth and Long on Spike TV and watched it (they have an episode for free online). The premise of the show is that Irvin's team finds someone to be on the starting training camp roster of the Dallas Cowboys. There are a few defensive backs and a few receivers and each week someone gets eliminated.

While watching the show I was struck by how crappy of a job being a football player is. You have to put up with other people being openly violent to you and that being rewarded. I know we have all watched football before, but for some reason that episode helped me see what it would be like if I were to do that job. It wouldn't be fun at all.

Yet I am still a fan of this insanity, albeit in a detached, unrealistic kind of way. The truth is, I would never be able to engage in that world; it's too far from who I am for it to even be a remote possibility. There's a reason you don't see full contact 30-something men's leagues out there scattered throughout the US. It's because football is brutally violent and best left to those who are being compensated for its insanity.

Which brings me to my second thought. Wouldn't it be a better use of my time overall if I took all of those competitive juices and love of sports and channeled it into something over which I actually have control? If I were to watch 16 games of the Dallas Cowboys next season or not, they would have the same record. But if I were to run a 5K or triathlon or not, well, world peace wouldn't be achieved, but I can think of a lot more benefits to that. I provide an environment for me and others to compete and live a healthy lifestyle.

That's exciting. I find myself drifting from the former "Detached Insanity" and to the latter "Engaged Realism". But it's June. The real proof is what I'll do when football season starts. I currently am planning on missing a few games; it just doesn't seem to matter anymore

The end is near...according to whom?

2009-05-26T15:48:00.003-05:00

It's amazing how close environmentalist crowd got to the religious "nuts" who thought the end of the world was near. At least that's how was in the Bush administration. Is the end still near? The Obama administration CDs haven't come out yet.

A good tune, though...Thanks Pandora.

Institutional Isolationism

2009-05-20T10:34:00.002-05:00

I was in cycling class this morning and thought of something interesting. We were a bunch of people from all walks of life, there, cycling together, developing some camaraderie that comes with getting to the gym at 5:30 in the morning to work out.

Then I thought about politics. Terrance, my instructor, is black and probably voted for our current president. I don't too much care for our current president. But politics can only really work when they develop an "us" and a "them" and tell you to put all of your energy keeping "us" safe and "them" from wrecking everything.

Then I thought about religion. I'm sure people in that room were all from very different religious backgrounds. Churches can also develop an "us" and a "them", then a structure around preserving the interests of "us" and either making "them" a part of "us" or marginalizing "them" as much as possible.

Then I thought about work. At my job, I know who my competitors are. I want them to fail. I want to succeed. I want to win. I want to make the best product in the restaurant industry. There is definately an "us" and a "them" at work, and that's what gets us to compete and make a better product.

So is the isolation that an institution develops bad or evil? I don't think so. I think it becomes bad or unhealthy when you go to any context and can't get the "us" or "them" out of your system. I know people at my work who won't go to restaurants who don't run our software. I've know people who couldn't stand to be in the same room as a Republican or Democrat without feeling basic anger. I know people who feel like if people don't follow a spiritual checklist (quiet times, bible reading, certain movies, church attendance), they are less spiritual and suspect to do all kinds of crazy things.

I've been that person way more than I would like to admit. Institutional isolationism sure can get the best of you. But as I grow, I want to be in a room with a bunch of people without the oppression of having to know whether they're on my side economically, politically, or religiously.

My boy went to the potty

2009-05-13T07:22:00.001-05:00

Yesterday for the first time. We had ice cream to celebrate. I'm so proud of him. My love for both of my boys keeps growing and growing.

In other news, John quit Call of Duty. Praise God that the conversation will move on.

If "Blessed Be Your Name" was a hit, then

2009-04-22T09:50:00.004-05:00

So will

You Never Let Go by David Crowder
You Never Let Go by Matt Redman
When The Tears Fall by Tim Hughes
At All Times by Vicki Beeching

It looks like emoting to God through our pain is something that resonates with us. Could it be that this way of worshiping is the only way that doesn't confront our deep and characteristic selfishness, and thus is popular? Probably a little bit. Could it also be that because of sin, human existence universally contains experiences that lead us to the depths of our being where we find God, in the valley of the shadow of death? Probably that to.

Could it also be that the record label asked for this because they see how well these types of songs do? I'd never be so cynical...

HT: Pandora, for keeping these songs coming so I can see a pattern. Thanks for showing my true colors, Pandora.

My new smoke break...

2009-04-16T16:52:00.004-05:00

I don't smoke but have read that smokers can be more productive by taking a break from work ever once and a while. I found a great way to do that without smoking...the Logos Bible Reader.

Click the picture for a full explanation of the application:

This is for you windows people only, but the reader will basically let you read through the whole bible in a year and will allow you to keep your progress in the program. It's a nice little break in the middle of the day to clear your mind from things; I highly recommend it.

A different side of AIG bonuses

2009-03-25T09:07:00.001-05:00

From the beginning, I didn't understand what all the outrage was about with the AIG bonuses. Their business was winding down a division and to keep people from accepting jobs prematurely and thus losing millions of dollars, AIG decided to pay retention bonuses. It's a good business decision to do so.

I didn't really consider the personal aspect of this until I read this letter by the head of the Financial Products division at AIG. It's an interesting read to hear the other side of the story.

There's always another side of the story. I'm learning that more and more and trying not to judge others' actions prematurely.

Shocking Disregard of Self-Interest

2009-03-23T15:23:00.003-05:00

I was sitting in church yesterday, minding my own business, when my pastor displayed a shocking disregard to his own self interest (his sermon should be available here shortly). In the sermon, he advocated:

Only give if you want to (hmm...kind of taking that not out of compulsion literally, it seems)
Stop giving everything to your church; start giving some to other charities, neighbors, etc.
There will be a charity visiting our church in a couple of weeks. Take $38 a month out of what you give the church and give it to the charity to feed/clothe a poor child in Africa.
It's none of his business what you give to the church; he doesn't look at it

A couple of thoughts: isn't it kind of strange that this kind of disregard for one's self-interest seems uncommon among those in ministry? Isn't it kind of sad that we come to expect those in ministry to be only advocating theological/biblical positions that line up with their financial objectives? Why are principled stands in the financial arena of theology so rare? Is virtue not taught in seminary? My pastor's behavior shouldn't be shocking, but unfortunately it is.

Also, I can see how much more generous I can become if it came out of the heart instead of from someone's set of rules placed on me. Isn't this the basis of the New Testament idea: that when your religion comes from a relationship and heart-level interaction with God, you will end up more changed than if you were to follow customs and rules? Why doesn't this apply to money and giving? Why did it take me more than ten years to ask myself that question?

Likable

2009-03-20T11:36:00.003-05:00

I got a new HDTV and DirecTV yesterday, so I stayed up kind of late and watched way more TV than I'm used to. I caught the President on the Tonight Show.

Maybe it was the HDTV, maybe it was that my judgment was impaired by getting up at 5 in the morning, but I must say I really liked President Obama last night. He came across as someone who is a normal guy in a very abnormal situation. I wish I could like his policies, but when I think about them, they scare me. But the guy, I like him. Even if he jokes about the special olympics, that's a normal thing to do.

In hopes that I will stay in this present state of liking my President, I will not listen to any more press conferences, speeches, state of the union addresses. This superficial euphoria that came partly through the aquisition of my new TV makes me feel like I'm above ideology and have reached some special state of nirvana that only the intellectual elites find. So purposeful ignorance, from here one out.

Self-Indulgent? Who, me?

2009-03-20T11:04:00.004-05:00

An interesting idea I've heard on the blogs lately was how self-indulgent blogging can be. Someone thinks that their writing is so important, that they sit down and type something out to an invisible audience. Because the audience is invisible, they imagine how far and wide their message is going and how important they are.

This happens a lot in ideological circles, like ALT.NET and political blogs. I get the impression its the same people feeding each others' egos.

I know I've done that in the past. Frequently I'll question myself about the blogging war I got into over a year ago (all since erased from this here blog, so don't go looking for it). Was that self-indulgent? Was I inflating my importance in a matter through the blogging medium? Probably so. The mental environment is so difficult to see when you're in the middle of it, isn't it?

Building and Tearing Down

2009-03-17T05:34:00.005-05:00

My father-in-law asked me to read Jude when he was in town a couple of weeks ago, and since then I've had a particular section of it in mind I'd like to share. The section begins,

...In the last time there will be scoffers, following their own ungodly passions. It is these who cause divisions, worldy people, devoid of the Spirit.

I did a word study on that word "scoffers" and learned that it basically means people who tear others down. A scoffer, or mocker, is someone whose modus operandi is to lower others in order to elevate himself. And so, he sees the negative in everything, finds the fault in every position, paints everyone with a negative broad brush (they're idiots, they're cards, they're noobs as my brothers are starting to say from their COD4 playing).

It's easy to follow your "worldy passions" this way, because for whatever reason it is so easy to tear others down. You can just do what comes natural. Scoff. Mock. It feels great.

You can also feel a rush of power with this method of living, because it really is effective. Mocking and scoffing at others divides and those who partake in it will reap the results of being the source of division. People will follow you. There are plenty of people out there who mock and scoff as well, so you will feel at home in the world. But you will be devoid of the Spirit and what that entails: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, cheerfullness, gentleness, and self-control. Think of when you've mocked and scoffed. Were you even doing one or two things in that list? I wasn't.

Jude contrasts that with a charge to his readers:

But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life. And have mercy on those who doubt; save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by flesh.

What a contrast! Instead of tearing others down with mocking and scoffing, make it your business to build others up! It's interesting to me that building others up involves an element of tolerance. Are the problems, irritations, irrationalities in others all of the sudden gone just because you decided to build others up? Absolutely not! They're still there. But you build each other up anyways. You help people believe God. Even if they totally don't agree with you. You build them up.

Instead of being devoid of the Spirit and His fruit, you're communing with Him through prayer. And instead of going along with how everyone else is doing it (tearing others down, survival of the fittest), you're keeping yourself in the love of God.

What does this create in people? It creates mercy and tolerance in others in their time of doubt. If you're building up instead of tearing down, when people cross your path with problems, you will be ready to build them up. And what better way to do so than to show them mercy? But, if you tear people down, they'll be easy target for you. They'll be an object lesson to the world of how much more superior you are to this lowly doubter.

I'm excited about what life would look like if I built people up more than I have in the past. I'll see where that takes me.

Ruined?

2009-03-07T06:34:00.002-06:00

I'm in the middle of a two part conference right now. I'm getting ready to leave to go to the second part, which will end at noon. The conference is a men's conference about getting right with God.

By historical standards, I'm not "right" with God. I don't have regular quiet times. I'm angry about spiritual stuff. I'm cynical. I'm jaded. Right now, I'm one of those guys whom I pitied just a couple of short years ago. I used to think of guys like me, "Why don't they just get over it and follow God?" Well now it's me and you don't just flip a switch and make it all go away. In fact, that kind of thinking is what got me in this situation (ignoring my feelings).

By my new standards, I'm right with God. I'm walking on a path, taking step by step by step in the forward direction. Yes, it is in the spiritual desert. Yes, it's hot and you wouldn't want to live here. But it's my place and I'm going to walk through it.

So I go to this conference where they're wanting me to change, and believe me, I want to change, but the change they want for me sounds so similar to the past I'm walking away from, I can't tell the difference between steps backward and steps forward. Then I realize that God probably has no interest in some 30 minute oil changish fix for me. I'm in for the long haul. And the spiritual long haul is often painfully slow.

So what am I to do? I'll go to the conference, won't laugh as loudly, say as many amen's, probably not clap as much during worship, and just experience it. I'll try to not judge everyone as inferior to me because many of them are living in a world that was my past. And I'll see what happens. Am I ruined for good? Probably not. Only time will tell. But this is good for me, so I do it. One step at a time, even if it's hot and I'm thirsty.

I'm buying a TV and going to Florida!

2009-03-02T06:39:00.003-06:00

In these uncertain times, many people are scrambling to try to save some money to account for an unexpected layoff or further economic turmoil. A good portion of the economic problems we face today is this vicious cycle; the more companies lay off people the more people don't want to spend any money. The more people don't spend money, the less companies have, the more they lay off more people.

When I married Annie, with our embarrassingly bad debt situation, we didn't have a lot of money and had to learn how to budget well. Since then, we've found ourselves on the frugal side of society. While society told us to buy better houses, better tvs, better cars, take better vacations, we instead paid off our credit cards.

But right now, society is telling us, "Don't spend a dime on anything. Head for the hills!"

Instead, I'll keep with my financial plan that was in place before all this started: set aside 10% of your money for savings, 10% for giving. Save $10,000 in a Contingency Fund for when bad unexpected things happen (like layoffs). Pay off your cars (we did), and make a car payment ($375/month) every month to the Bank of Michael and Annie. Set up a Health Savings Account and put more than you have to in it so you can handle medical emergencies. Get on a 15 year note with your house and try to pay it off early. Go with cloth diapering. Play the Grocery Game.

But beyond that? In good times, and bad, the plan calls for spend the rest of the money. In good times and bad. Spend it. That might mean giving to missionaries, that might mean going on vacation. But have a good plan in place and don't worry about living life.

That's why without hesitation we're going on a family vacation to Destin, Florida this summer. We've got our plan in place and with the rest of the money we're going to Florida and building memories.

That's also why we're going to avoid the crappy TV reception in the DTV changeover and will buy a new HDTV and get a DirecTV subscription. In these uncertain times? You bet! Unless I lose my job (at which point there will be no excess money), I'm going to follow the same plan I would have a year or two ago, which is: in the face of a conspiracy to get you to buy a new TV and upgrade to cable/satellite (which is a subject for another post), you save your money and do it!

Thoughts on Obama

2009-02-10T22:45:00.002-06:00

I listened to Obama's press conference last night intently. I wanted to hear how he was thinking about the economic issues. I saw a man that really has studied economics over the past few months and has very smart people around him. He seems to take this particular part of policy seriously and came across as competent.

He also stretched the truth quite a bit. Like with labelling his opponents as those who want to "do nothing", and not bringing up the most effective arguments against his bill: that too much of the money will be spent years from now and thus have no stimulative effect. No, that's not a lie, but constructing ad hominem and straw men arguments is pretty bad. And that's what Obama was doing.

I don't think most people pay as much attention to politics as I do, so I don't think they saw the same Obama I saw. The question is, when, if ever, will they see this Obama (the one you listen to and can't figure out what he really means because it's either too vague or he said something else a few minutes/weeks/months earlier). Right now, Obama is surrounded by a machine that is propping him up (and he is rhetorically propping himself up nicely, too), but how long will this last? When will a significant number of people in America look at the TV screen, and say to themselves (more or less), "that's BS"?

My guess is August 13, 2009.

Second guess is May 5, 2010.

If it doesn't happen by then, it's going to be a long eight years for Republicans...

Accidents Happen

2009-01-29T14:06:00.002-06:00

I'm kind of intense sometime. And unforgiving of myself. I haven't shared this with many people, but I often think about past stupid things I've done and grimace.

That's where Samuel comes in. Last night, Samuel took a long nap, and at about 7:00, he got up, stumbled around, and threw up all over our couch and rug. He was such a good sport about it. I got him cleaned up, pjs on him, and had him lay in his numbers bed. About 45 minutes later, he threw up again on the numbers bed. I grabbed him and did what any parent would do: let him throw up on me.

Then we both got down to our underwear and I went in his room to clean up the mess. Samuel was still shaky and had that after-you-throw-up half-cry in his voice. He looked to me and said, "It's OK, daddy. Accidents happen. Just get a towel and clean the bumbers bed." I told him that accidents do happen and that he's not feeling well and that it's totally fine and that I love him.

To get a child comfortable with potty training, the parent must get the child ok with having the occasional accident. So we tell Samuel that accidents happen. It turns out he's listening to us, not only with going to the potty but also with other things.

If only I can be as forgiving of myself in my grown-up world, I think I would find much more happiness in life. My two and a half year old son has taught me an important life lesson: accidents happen, and that's ok.

I pledge...

2009-01-21T06:44:00.002-06:00

To not treat my new president the same way these idiots treated my former president.

I pledge to not let the fact that my president is a democrat get in the way of serving causes I believe in.

I pledge not to make such an idiotic video the next time a republican is president.

I pledge to control what I have control of and leave the rest to others.

MySpace Celebrity and Katalyst present The Presidential Pledge

The most successful presidency to have not yet started

2009-01-16T07:51:00.003-06:00

[Michael wrote this with Annie accidentally logged in]

Do you get the feeling that Obama is the most successful president to have not been sworn in? There is a feeling of success in the air about him, and he hasn't even started! Is this a sign of great leadership on his part, or a sign of continued badly placed optimism? I'm sure the answer is in the middle somewhere, but for our sake, I hope it is the former. I'd like for the next 4-8 years to be good, even if it's bad for my political ideology.

A call from the RNC

2009-01-08T05:23:00.002-06:00

I supported McCain for president last time around and decided that I needed to start putting my money where my mouth was, so I gave his campaign $100. Since then, I've received what seems to be $100 worth of emails, snail mail advertisements, and phone calls. The most recent was a few days ago from the RNC asking for a $300 yearly membership.
The advertisements/calls/emails always start out with the Obama scare. "Michael, do you really want to hand the Obama/Pelosi/Reed liberals a BLANK CHECK???" My response: well, it seems that the American people have done just that. So I don't know what anyone can do about that now. Next question: "Can you help us stop the liberals from ruining Washington." To which I replied, "I was under the impression that the Federal Government payed the congress to do their job. Has this changed?"

It's just amazing to me that the Republican establishment still....STILL thinks that it can get by with scaring people about the other guy and not having any concrete track record or plan for moving forward. And it's not like conservatism is void of any ideas. We have great ideas that have nothing to do with Barack Obama. I turned on Rush Limbaugh the other day while I was driving at lunch. I know, many people hate Rush. But Rush had ideas. He has a conservative vision for America. The rest of this from Republicans is pure political theater.

My son, the cosleeper, and the bumbers bed

2009-01-06T15:17:00.003-06:00

For Christmas, the kids got a bunk bed. We put it together the day before and locked up the room until Christmas morning where we ran in there and made a big deal about it. The bed is from IKEA and has a comforter with numbers on it. After throwing out a few names as alternatives, we settled on calling it the "numbers bed", or as Samuel puts it the "bumbers bed".

I'll have to admit, after two and a half years of sleeping within fifteen inches of one of his parents, I was skeptical about whether Samuel would make the transition. I've known plenty of people who have had kids that slept with them for years and years. And most of those people weren't even attachment parenting or cosleeping. So, surely I was going to face years and years of fighting my child to be independent and sleep in his own room.

So Christmas night came around and Samuel was ready to go to bed. I thought, "Hey, why not make a stop by the bumbers bed and read a few stories, just for grins?" So we did. And then we prayed (while holding hands; it's wonderful). And then he turned over. And went to sleep. And woke up at 6 the next day.

The next day, the same. And every day since. He has completely embraced his bumbers bed. Our attachment parenting kid who is supposed to, by all accounts, need us (some say unhealthily) for years to come is hapily sleeping all night in his own room. He hasn't slept in our bed since. It's truly amazing.

I know how we all compare ourselves to others with our kids, and I encourage you to take a moment to put that aside and share in my victory. Annie and I followed our convictions and we have a wonderful, sweet boy who shows no signs of unhealthily needing us. That more than anything makes me happy. And I hope, no matter what your parenting style, that you experience the same successes.

This pretty much sums it up for me

2008-11-05T08:59:00.003-06:00

Why write a post about your thoughts on the election when someone can write it for you?

On God's View of Human Governments

2008-11-05T07:38:00.003-06:00

Religion is so important to many of us, so it comes as no surprise that many of us think that God is on "our" side when it comes to politics. I must admit, I believe God to be more of a Republican than a Democrat. However, it's as equally important to realize a few things about how God has approached human goverments throughout history, and especially in Jesus' time.

Observation #1: Human Government was not a focus of Christ's ministry
In the midst of one of the most oppressive governments in history, did Jesus focus on the political process at all? No. He didn't. He basically put that aside for what was more important: people's relationship with God (see Mathew 22:17).

Observation #2: Social Justice was not a focus of Christ's ministry
Did Jesus protest the deplorable conditions of the first century? Believe me, rights were violated on a daily basis. In fact, His rights would be violated in a way that many of us could never imagine. Yet, his focus was not on effecting political change. His focus was on the individual's relationship with God and speaking truth to the religious authorities of the day.

Conclusion: If Jesus Christ thought politics was the most important aspect of our existence, he sure didn't show it.
I think there was some strategy involved here. The truth is, as many are coming to realize today, there isn't much we can do about who rules us. In fact, Americans have a lot more control over it than many throughout history. It would be injust for God to demand political justice as a basis for spiritual effectiveness when people had so little control over whether political justice actually happened.

So, if you're waking up as a McCain supporter realizing that you're going to experience four years of Barack Obama, take heart. Jesus arrived at a situation where his political ruler was a true, blue, tyrant. And he got through that and effected real change on the world because who ruled him wasn't the most important thing; what He did was. The same is true for us, so it is time to lay aside all that we can't control and press forward to achieve all that God has for us.

On Abortion and Limited Government

2008-11-05T07:24:00.002-06:00

I'm a conservative when it comes to most things, and abortion is one of them. I think that the Supreme Court wrongly decided Roe vs. Wade; the constitution does not address abortion, so the matter should be left up to the state legislatures.

That's not to say I support the Supreme Court banning abortion. Again, the constitution says nothing about abortion. Leave it up to states to decide.

I think Christians have gotten off a little on this issue. We boil a lot down to supporting people who are against abortion rights and opposing those who are for abortion rights. That's our single issue. And it's especially important for us when we choose the President.

Let's step back for a moment and consider a couple of things:

1) If this country hated abortion enough, it would create a constitutional amendment banning it
This has nothing to do with who is President.

2) If states hated abortion enough, they would pass laws banning it, in defiance of the federal government.
This has nothing to do with who is President.

Currently, none of these things are happening. It looks like Christians have not done the hard work of persuasion. In a democracy (or republic, whatever), that means you're dead on arrival.

So, when President Obama elects pro-Roe v. Wade Supreme Court justices, don't despair. Realize that it is the American people who give the President and Supreme Court so much power. And they are showing no signs of relenting from that anytime soon.

Proud to be an American

2008-10-31T23:28:00.002-05:00

I'm a republican, so I didn't allow myself to get too caught up in the Primary. I did vote in my primary, and as I entered the room, I saw the democrat workers' eyes light up when I came up, but they inevitably saw that I was a republican and then retired to their small corner of the junior high school library that was theirs in my heavily republican district.

But that's not what this post is about.

I say all of that to note that I haven't processed the good aspects of the Barack Obama candidacy. I had given a lot of thought to what scares me about Obama, but not about the good that he represents.

That all changed when I voted yesterday. As I stood in line, I couldn't help but have an awareness of race. There was a black man on the ballot for President of the United States of America. People standing in line, whose forefathers were owned by others, who fought and scraped for equality, especially in the south, were able to vote for a black man for president. That was a very special moment for me. I was so happy that they could experience that level of representative government, especially since they have endured so much injustice; they deserve it.

The other thing that struck me was that I don't think that people are voting against Obama because of his race. I sure didn't. If Obama agreed with my political philosophy, I'd vote for him without reservation. It says something about our country that race hasn't been the deciding factor in this election. We are even closer to Dr. King's vision that all men be judged not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

The Wealth of Nations

2008-10-01T23:58:00.002-05:00

The one big difference between India and the United States that I have already picked up on (besides their driving, of course) is their approach toward labor. Let's talk first about what we're familiar with: the current American approach toward labor.

America is by all accounts the wealthiest industrialized nation ever. We're rich. A lot of us are rich. But when you really start to examine what we do with that wealth, it usually doesn't go towards paying someone to do something for you. We pump our own gas. We clean up after ourselves in the bathroom. We open our doors. We stand in line for quick food. We drive to get it ourselves. This all seems reasonable to the average American, because we know the law of labor in the American economy:

Labor is the most expensive part of the cost of living in the American economy

So, most of us would rather watch cable than pay someone to pump our gas, so we pump our own gas and enjoy the cable tv. We do this because our cost of living is so high, we can't afford to support other people's cost of living. It's a cost of living issue. If people could get by with $100 a month and be happy with it, we would hire them. But the fact is people need way more than that to get by, and so it's cost prohibitive and we don't buy it.

Which brings me to the Indian economy. They have no such respect for the cost of labor, because in India labor is cheaper. They can have bathroom people. They have people who deliver your food to you. They can do all this because their cost of living is way less than America's.

So you have a very strange situation as an American in India: you experience a drop in the quality of life of things (because the cost of living is less, the quality of the things you experience is lower) while at the same time you experience an increase in the quality of life in relationships (because more people are involved with your day to day activities). The feeling has to be experienced to be totally appreciated.

One more thing: this situation isn't going to last forever; I watched on the news this morning that they have 13% inflation in India right now. That's right, as people get more money they buy more and the cost of living goes up. It will be interesting to see what happens when all these additional people become too expensive...

Cowboy and Indians

2008-10-01T21:51:00.002-05:00

I'm in India now to train an offshore team development for my project at work. The flight to Hyderabad was broken up into a 10 hour and 9 hour flight. It was long. I'm still a little dazed...

Some bullet points are in order!!!!

The meals really helped break up the flight. They were good too. They even gave you a hot moist napkin before and after dinner. And then, in German style, they went down the aisle, with the red wine in the left hand and the white in the right, ready to pour wine. No American crappy extra charges (the roundtrip flight costs $3300 so you're paying for it).
The PSP and Final Fantasy VII was an absolute lifesaver
At first I thought I'd be really annoyed by all the kids. All they did was remind me of my little Levi, so it made me happy. I wanted to go up to one of the kids and do one of my trademark "dad" things: "What happened?", "He is such a tiger over here....AND he's waiting to be tamed", "I think someone needs some open mouth kisses", etc. I just love that boy. And every normally annoying cry I heard from a baby reminded me of that fact and made me happy.
You don't live until you cut off a father, mother, and baby on a motorcyle in a Hyderabad street at 1 in the morning. Multiple times. I saw the baby's little hands bear hugging his mommy while we weaved in and out of their lane, almost killing them, but never doing the deed (thankfully).
You really never have lived until you see a four year old kid riding on the handlebars of a motorcycle with his dad driving and mom or older brother behind. No helmets. No lanes. Lots of honking. And lots of near fatal misses.

I'll be posting all week!

So, Michael, how is your SOUL????

2008-09-24T09:41:00.004-05:00

Over the past year, I've experienced quite a spiritual transition. Last November began a period of three or four months of intense and unexpected upheaval in the institutions and beliefs in my life that I had previously thought were rather stable. I guess you could say I had an early mid-life crisis. It was messy, brought up in me a lot of immaturity and rashness that I thought I was above, and, frankly, left me quite unimpressed with myself and with others I respected.

As I processed through this transition brought about by crisis, I began ask what the root cause of it all was. Apart from the particular situation I was experiencing, and the particular things being said, and the particular things that were being done, what was behind it all? It didn't feel right to label a bunch of people (including myself) as a bunch of idiots. We were all pretty decent people; so there must have been something else that would have led us to this unfortunate situation.

I began to realize that the underlying spiritual problem that played a major role in creating this situation was an unwarranted spiritual intensity applied to otherwise benign situations. An example is how I decided to marry my wonderful wife. I asked my parents. I asked my church leadership. I asked all my guy friends. I read books. I searched the scriptures. I then went to a solitary place for a weekend and sought the advice and council of God Himself. I felt like I heard God say to me, "Well, what do you want to do, Michael?"

It didn't register that I should make what I want to do one of the most important factors in making my decision. I had to create intensity in other ways, and, for God, forget all about what I wanted, because that was merely the flesh talking. (BTW, I totally wanted to marry her, and so I did and am so happy I made that decision. Thanks, God. Also, if I were to do that over again, I would have sought advice, I think that's wise; I just would have been less intense about it)

I'm not saying that the environment I was in openly created that situation; a lot of it was due to my propensity to overanalyze big decisions. But there was this element there where otherwise small decisions needed to involve others and would turn into something way more intense and spiritual and meaningful-in-a-Braveheart-battle-kind-of-way than they really needed to be.

Why all the intensity? I'm positive now that this wasn't an isolated reality among the few that attended my old church. It seems that this spiritual intensity applied to otherwise not-intense situations (like a marriage disagreement, disagreement among church members, who to marry, what job to get, what to do at church, theological disagreement with others) seems to me to be a phenomenon among many charismatic circles of evangelical Christianity. In fact, everyone I've talked to outside of charismatic circles labels this phenomenon as the most unnecessary, most wounding aspect of that movement. From the inside of the charismatic movement, one would think that those on the outside are hung up on tongues. Ironically enough, this is an application of the spiritual reality on the inside (get hung up on everything) to the outside. In other words, the non-charismatics I've dealt with aren't really hung up on anything. They're kind of dumbfounded at how intense everything is for the charismatic and glad that they don't experience that treadmill of faith that the charismatic person does. But the reaction is surprisingly not intense.

This explains the reaction that most charismatics have when they visit a church that isn't "caught up" in the intensity. Their first reaction is "Well they don't really love God, worship, etc." It's ironic that the problem may lie in the one making the judgment. I think a smart person once said, "Judge not lest ye be judged"...

So the next question is, "So Michael, have you given up on the Holy Spirit?" The answer is totally not. In fact, I'm in much the same place that I was before my transformation. The difference is not on a theological level. Do I believe in supernatural healing? Absolutely! Do I believe in tongues? Sure! Do I believe in prophecy? Yes! Am I willing to pursue these things in an intensity-driven environment that kills my love for God? No. Will I make these things replace the central focus of the New Testament (of expanding the Kingdom of God on earth) with other things (of the expression of God's Kingdom in the local church)? Never again.

This leaves me in a place where I want to live my life for God's Kingdom in a peaceful an non-intense manner. I'm not very good at it. Living life with intensity feels natural to me. In fact, I first learned it as a Mormon. Not having an intense reality to make you read your bible, have a quiet time, love God, etc. is like waking up one morning having forgotten how to walk and having to learn how to walk all over again. Right now, I've taken a few steps but I have a long, long way to go. It's shaky. I make mistakes. I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere. I'm tempted to go back to the "old ways" so I can actually get somewhere spiritually.

It's tough, but I can see a wonderful relationship with God at the end. And hopefully I can help others in similar circumstances find that reality as well. That will probably take a few years, though.

The Sweet Spot

2008-09-19T07:28:00.003-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about priorities in my life lately. We often think that we can do everything, but when you have kids you really start having to make some decisions about what is important to you. Which leads me to evaluating the state of my career.

I see a couple of options in my career right now:

Option 1: Technical Track
Money: Good
Time commitment: Normal
Flexibility: High
Travel: Very limited
Control: Low

Then there is the sexier management track
Option 2: Management Track
Money: Potentially Great
Time commitment: High
Flexibility: Low
Travel: A lot
Control: High

It's clear to me that if my job was the only thing in my life, I'd be down the management track in a heartbeat. Why? There's more upside there. More of an ability to change things.

But traveling a lot? Having a job where they need you all the time, and you just have to say "no" to other parts of your life, including your family because your job demands it? I'm kind of torn because of the huge upside, but for now, Option 1 seems to be the best bet. It seems to be a sweet spot of pretty good money and responsibility, but without the huge travel and time commitment.

Am I being too safe? Am I settling? I'll be thinking about this quite a bit over the next few months.

When leaving a message...

2008-09-16T12:56:00.002-05:00

It's a good idea to leave your name and number at the start of the message. That way people can repeat it and get the information they need. A lot of times people leave voice messages with a long description and then a rushed number at the end. That's rude.

Revival in Lakeland

2008-09-15T08:39:00.006-05:00

The lakeland revival seems to have gone through some dramatic moments recently. The leader of the Revival, Todd Bentley, was caught last month in an inappropriate relationship and had a drinking problem. To bring us up to speed, one blogger sarcastically writes,

One lesson we can all learn from Lakeland is that you can toss out the gospel found in the Bible, kick and punch people who are seeking healing, regularly chat with angels with names like "Winds of Change" and "Emma," act like a drunken fool, transfer your anointing so that others can spread these blessings around the globe, repeatedly exaggerate and lie, gain riches in the process, and be a successful minister in the U.S. But whatever you do, don't divorce your wife. That could ruin you (at least temporarily).

Wow. What an indictment on this movement and its leaders. In hindsight, it appears that quite a few people showed a disturbing lack of judgement, blinded by the promise of miracles and healings.

I have my own thoughts on what is happening here, but they're too fresh to write down (but they're very similar to these and these). This revival movement needs to make some fundamental changes in how it operates.

Little known fact...

2008-09-03T13:12:00.002-05:00

This is a very funny website for those of you who follow politics. They are a compilation of little known facts about the new GOP VP nominee: Sara Palin. Here are a few of my favorites:

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin will give birth to the man who will lead humanity’s war against the machines.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin’s son is going to Iraq after the Surge, because a Palin during the Surge would have been unfair.

Little known fact: NFL teams may draft Sarah Palin, if they forfeit all their other players forever, to maintain league parity.

Little known fact: Sarah Palin placed fossils in the ground to test your faith.

Little Known Fact: Iran’s nuclear program is a response to Sarah Palin.

Others:

We don’t know who would win in a Chuck Norris - Sarah Palin cage match because they’ve never invented a cage that can hold Sarah Palin.
Alaska is the 49th state solely because they knew even before she was born that Sarah Palin would never finish last.
Global Warming doesn’t kill polar bears. Sarah Palin does - usually with her bare hands.
Three of Sarah Palin’s five kids came out sideways - she never flinched.
Sarah Palin’s hotness is the largest single contributor to melting polar ice caps.
It’s not raining in DC. Those are God’s tears of joy that McCain picked Sarah Palin.

I'm not a politician, but...

2008-08-27T15:08:00.003-05:00

If your opponent is effectively branding you as having a God complex, if your enemies are mocking you as the One, the Messiah, you don't give your acceptance speech on a Greek Temple set. Is it just me?

Delusional Fans

2008-08-18T08:04:00.004-05:00

Those of you who know me know that I'm a huge Dallas Cowboys fan. I absolutely love the Cowboys. I also love HBO's Hard Knocks. Hard Knocks is a documentary about the Dallas Cowboys training camp. It makes me very excited about watching them this year.

That all being said, I'm becoming more and more distressed at the absolute meaninglessness of sports in general. This becomes most evident when I read a sports forum. What a complete waste of time this is. Here you are talking about something you have no control over, spending your days and nights thinking about it, watching it, and somehow, in some voodoo universe that you've created in your mind, you feel that you are a part of it, when in reality it would be what it was whether you watched or cared about it or not.

I was on HBO's Hard Knocks website this morning (for pure entertainment purposes) and ran across this thread about Tony Romo. One comment in particular stuck out:

Hey cowboy fans, last years season is gone and we can't change how we lost. Time to redeem ourselves and prove we are the Superbowl team to be feared. Let's tune up for a Superbowl run when we host the Superbowl in 2011

Some points to consider about this guy:

He assumes that cowboy fans care about what he has to say (they don't)
He assumes that if cowboys fans heard what he said, they would make a meaningful change that produced a meaningful result (in reality it doesn't)
He assumes that he is a member of the group that lost to the New York Giants last January (he isn't)
He assumes that he can do something to redeem himself from the humiliating defeat to the Giants (he did nothing to need redemption; he was a spectator)

What a stupid waste of time. Why does sports engender such delusion in people? I think it's because everyone wants a purpose to live for and cause to be a part of, and in this postmodern world where nothing really matters, you make things that don't really matter your life's pursuit because you have to live for something; we're designed that way.

My rant aside, I love watching the Cowboys and will continue to do so. If I catch myself falling into some crazy delusional state about it though, I'll hopefully stop myself.

GTD by Filtering Email and Processing Tasks

2008-08-14T22:34:00.005-05:00

I'm a big proponent of Getting Things Done, a methodology based on a book about getting stuff done. I've been using this methodology for a couple of years now to varying degrees of success.

Recently, I've come across a couple of things that have increased my enthusiasm for GTD. The first is this course on how to deal with email. The biggest thing I took away from the course is to use filters on email. He says if you get an email and say to yourself, "Oh not that again...", make a filter! I've already made 5 filters! The course is a good 20 minute read, even if you don't have a clue what GTD is.

The other thing I've come across is a really cool program called Tudumo. It's a very simple but surprisingly powerful task management system. It's not web based like the other ones I've used (Vitalist, Toodledo), but he's working on an online sync feature that will work with Google apps, so there won't be a subscription fee. It's also only $29. This video was really helpful in showing what it does.

OK, great, thanks.

2008-08-14T06:39:00.002-05:00

Recently, I've come across a couple of emails that were critical of something I was doing. I rehearsed my response in my mind about how I was going to be cute. I rehearsed what it would feel like if I sent a special "get lost" email to them. What I ultimately came up with was a stroke of brilliance:

OK, great, thanks.

Oh how wonderful it feels to write that response. The person has been craftily coming up with the perfect slam for you. She copied everyone that needed to know about your incompetence. She's waiting with baited breath for you to respond and up the ante. She's ready for you to show your true unprofessional colors. She will prevail.

[From their perspective] Oh! What's that? The Response!!!!! I can't WAIT to see how he defendended himself. There is really no defense!!!! OK, I'm going to stop everything and read this one. I've really nailed him this time. OK, let me see, open the email,

OK, great, thanks.

Oh.

"Missional" Worship Songs

2008-08-06T22:05:00.002-05:00

My friend Stephen Hammond of Mosaic wonders

Do any of you know of some great music that does the following:

-allow people to see a God who loves them unconditionally and is worthy of all they have and are (worshipping Jesus for who He is)

-moves those people to places where they must bring hope and healing to others around them (living a life of mission for the benefit of others)

This is an interesting dillemma for worship songwriters. On the one hand, worship music has a powerful affect on people because it helps people encounter Him. On the other hand, if that's all it does, and there is no external action accompanying that encounter, it makes one wonder whether the worshipper is caught up in some narcissistic emotionalism and not in God at all.

Fortunately, many of the artists I listen to seem to be incorporating a "missional" (i.e., external, mission-focused) aspect to some of the songs on their CD. You have to go past the "hits" though and to the B-side of the CD, because this is an emerging niche within the worship songwriting scene that hasn't quite matured and emerged yet.

Delirious (which just broke up) has some good missional songs on their latest CD. A powerful one is called "Love will Find a Way", which one of the verses is:

I stare in the eyes of this flesh and bone I m a tourist here so tomorrow I go home I try to make sense of the things I've seen Between the poverty and the five star dream.

Oh, yikes, that kind of offends me. Can we sing "I Could Sing of Your Love Forever" again and forget about poverty? Delirious' whole latest CD, Kingdom of Comfort, is a treasure trove of external, in-your-face worship music...not the KLTY feel good variety at all.

Matt Redman, who wrote "Blessed Be Your Name", "The Heart of Worship" has an outward song in almost every CD he releases. He'll usually cowrite the outward song with Martin Smith of Delirious. The latest one is called "Take It To The Streets"

I´m going to take it to the streets,
I´m going to sing it ´til we meet.
Heaven is open,
Come on all the earth rejoice.
I´m going to take it to the streets,
Wake up the dead heart from its sleep.
Heaven is open,
Now´s the time to raise our voice.

This one is not as gritty and offensive, probably more appropriate for Sunday mornings than the above song by Delirious. It has a lot of good theology in it too; it's nice to mix an outward focus that comes about as a result of the status of a believer. His verse of this song starts out:

I am not a stranger to mercy, for you found me, Wrapped your truth around me. I am not a stranger to grace I have seen it in Your face. I am not a stranger to kindness; We´re the broken with Your life inside us You have brought Your gospel to me, And I breathe it every day. How did I become Your miracle? Now to take Your truth and tell the world!

So it comes together nicely. The other "outward" songs I like by Matt Redman are "It's Rising Up", "Now to Live the Life", and his co-passion worship leader Chris Tomlin's "God of Our City".

Finally, I really like the spirit of what Tim Hughes is doing right now. His song "God of Justice" is a great liberal-values worship song:

We must go live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We must go
Stepping forward keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We must go

If that isn't missional, I don't know what is. I think worship leaders, especially famous ones, get tired of seeing the big conference event with no change. Their hearts are wanting a change that reaches past the comforts of modern living and to the broken, hurting, and lost of the world. I'm looking forward to seeing these types of songs increase in the future.

The Peace that comes from "No"

2008-08-01T12:10:00.003-05:00

I've had to learn lately how important it is to say "No" to people. It all goes back to knowing yourself. What's right for you? What do you want to do? What are they doing that is making you feel pressured? Can you reject it?

There's this innate drive within me to please people, but the funny thing is, when I finally simply say "No" to people when things don't feel right, I feel a huge wave of relief. It's a little backwards; the "pressure to say yes" you're feeling is really an illusion. The real peace doesn't come from giving in to the situation that you're not comfortable with. The real peace comes from confronting the situation head on and kicking it out of your life.

Yesterday seems so far away

2008-07-30T13:04:00.003-05:00

Recently we bought a car and financed a few thousand dollars of the price. We're set to pay that off sometime in September, but it strikes me how debt lures you to try to forget about "yesterday's" expenses. Once you have that thing you want, paying for it seems so...boring. So you go for the next rush of adrenaline that comes from getting something on credit.

While I stand behind my decision to buy the car with a small amount financed, I'm glad we don't do that normally; it's a very alluring trap.

It's much better just to wait for stuff and pay cash. Then you get the character benefits from patience, and you get to enjoy it, 100%, without having to wonder when you're going to pay for it.

Technical blog

2008-07-28T05:24:00.002-05:00

For a while now, I've had the itch to blog about some of the issues I encounter at work. Because most of you think I fix printers all day and/or zone out when I begin to talk about my job, I didn't think I should bore you with it here.

If you want to see the "geeky" side of me, then maybe you should surf on over to http://michaelstechnical.blogspot.com.

Know Thyself

2008-07-26T07:22:00.003-05:00

In ancient Greece, there was a temple at Delphi where people went to hear the oracles give prophecy about the future. At the temple, there was a sign, gnothi sauton, which means "know thyself".

I've been amazed in this past year at how much I have needed to learn about myself. But this simple act of knowing what works for you, what you're willing to be a part of, and what you really feel about certain situations is invaluable.

One thing I've learned about myself is how important it is for me to share the same philosophy with those I am in a group with that shares a common goal. I'm not like the normal guy; the normal guy will be comfortable with having the right ends. So, when the normal guy is looking for a church, for example, he's going to look for if they have the right programs for him, if the sermon is enjoyable, etc. While I look for those things too, I have this driving sense to be philosophically on the same page too. I'm looking at how they arrived at those ends. Because if they arrived at those ends in some artificial way, the ends aren't real and I will ultimately be unhappy with them. In other words, if people arrived at pleasant ends by manipulation, coercion, greed, or recklessness, then it's not something I will be happy with, because it will ultimately collapse because the "good" that you see in the situation is ultimately artificial.

So I know myself a little better and better. And even if I'd rather just smile and nod at situations and go along with them, I just can't.

The No S Diet

2008-07-21T08:05:00.002-05:00

I started a diet last week that is pretty simple. It's called the "no s diet". The diet is basically this:

No snacks, no sweets, no seconds, except sometimes on days that begin with an S

I started this diet on Friday. I think it's going to be quite a challenge to not have snacks. My body has grown accustomed to me shoving various snacky items into it about every two hours.

The "S" days (Saturday and Sunday) were pretty interesting. I tried out some things I would normally not eat. I went and had a Braum's Bananna Split on Saturday and thought it was gross. I guess I don't have a taste for that anymore. Yesterday, I thought I was wasting my "S" day and so I bought some Hot Tamales (something that I really enjoyed in my high school days). Those were gross too.

I'm appreciating more and more the brilliance of this diet. It forces you to compress the "bad" parts about eating into a two day period, thus (hopefully) reminding you that your temptations are mostly smoke and mirrors. While this probably won't work for everyone, it seems to be workable for me.

The Overlooked Author's Purpose

2008-07-20T20:25:00.002-05:00

When you and I read a newspaper, we know that the reporter is intending on relaying the events of a story to us. When we read the opinion section, we know that the writer is giving us our opinion. When we read a birthday card, we know that the writer's purpose is to convey sentiments on your birthday. We're used to knowing what purpose people have for writing in our everyday contact with the written form.

When we approach the Bible, however, the idea of understanding the author's intent escapes us most of the time. This is especially evident in my interpretation of the book of Acts over the years. When I first became a Christian, because of the theological context in which I accepted Christ, I viewed the book of Acts as a prescription for how church should be run today. It was the blueprint for what things should be like right now. The only reason things weren't like the book of Acts today is because people haven't prayed enough, given enough, were serious enough, repented enough, etc.

A good indication for whether you are approaching a book correctly is how many "problems" you develop in your interpretation. If you approach Acts as if its purpose is to lay out a blueprint for how to do church, you have quite a few problems. Not the least of which is that it doesn't directly say much about how to do church. So you're stuck with a few verses here and there, and fill in the rest with common sense. Then you say to yourself, "Luke must have been messing with people by making the book about how to do church so vague when it comes to how to do church."

Fortunately, I believe Luke shares a different purpose in the opening of his book:

but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be My witnesses both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and even to the remotest part of the earth. (Acts 1:8)

When you view the rest of the book from what Luke records Jesus saying here, it becomes clear that Luke is writing Acts to record the spread of the gospel from the initial day of Pentecost, to Jerusalem, to Judea, to Samaria, and to the ends of the earth (Rome). Luke does a brilliant job of laying this out. The book of Acts as a description of the spread of the gospel in the early days of the church is a true literary masterpiece. The book of Acts as a systematic treatise on how church should be run is a big jumbled mess. How one views and appreciates it depends on understanding the author's true purpose and making sure one fundamentally focuses on making that purpose happen in one's life.

The Internet: Forcing Everybody to be the Expert

2008-07-20T15:47:00.003-05:00

I think there was a time not too long ago where people were content with going along with what society told them. People landed on the moon. Hooray for America! You should eat three square meals a day. You should eat five small meals a day. You should only eat carbs. You should only eat meat. Through each "mandate" from "the ones who know", we dutifully followed their advice, content in the promise that they know more than we do and that they've done their homework.

And then came the Internet.

Now, with just about every topic, we can take whatever we believe and find someone who believes and makes it his life goal to argue the exact opposite of what you believe.

That reminds me of the other day when I was driving home from work. I was driving in front of a guy in a Jeep with a "Green Party" bumper sticker on the back. I wanted to ask the guy, "So how do you feel about getting our current president, whom you hate, elected?" But then I thought, wow, this guy really believes in the Green Party. He makes it his life goal (enough to put a bumper sticker on the back of his Jeep) to share its values.

This also reminds me of the class I just took at my seminary. The professor had just given what I think to be the most outrageous interpretation of a particular topic in Genesis I had ever heard. As we were leaving the class, I overheard a couple of students in awe over the professor's explanation. They were saying to each other, "Wow, I had never thought of that before!" I said to them, "I know! What are the chances that we would find the one professor who got everything right!!!!"

So on the one hand it's nice to have the internet as a tool to investigate what you believe. On the other hand, none of us has time to be an expert at everything, so I think it's ok to take some things on faith. Like they did land on the moon. And do this with humility, because people make it their life's ambition to argue the exact opposite of whatever you've settled on. And finally, just because someone makes some good points about something on the Internet, that doesn't force you to have to become the expert on it. It's just fine to take some things on faith. We all do.

Identity in Parenting

2008-07-16T06:48:00.002-05:00

Last night, we were hanging out with some new friends and one of them commented on how good Samuel was in the nursery during church. She commented that he's always sharing, doesn't cry a lot, and is generally a happy kid.

My first reaction was, "Wow, we really have done a good job with Samuel. It's because we did this and this and that...that's why he's so good." I quickly stopped myself from going down that path though.

I've seen too many parents form their identity around having "good" kids. It's who they are. I'm so and so, the guy with good kids. I have good kids because I follow this particular book or pattern.

The problem with this line of thinking is (1) your kids are people and they're ultimately going to do what they want to do, so it's really placing all your identity in something with which you have no control, and (2) you'll spend your time trying to reinforce the "good" behaviors you want in your child (because your identity is wrapped up in it), and your child will feel that pressure and eventually rebel.

That's right, it's not a good scene to get your identity from how your kids turn out. They're people. They end up doing what they want. And, ironically enough, if you treat them that way they turn out better.

The Legalist's Arrival to Heaven

2008-07-14T04:56:00.002-05:00

My old pastor used to say that if you don't go through a legalistic phase as a Christian, you probably aren't serious about your faith. It seems true that everyone who really tries to follow God ends up taking that to the extreme and making their Christian walk about a bunch of rules. But, if you stay that way, you've got some issues.

One litmus test to the extent of your legalistic prowess is how you will enter heaven. The legalist will enter heaven proud that he followed all of the rules. He will expect to find Jesus following the same rules and to have a chart in heaven with a bunch of gold starts. There will be a lot of gold stars next to Moses and the prophets, and then . . . the legalist! It's nice to know that someone managed to figure out the exact rules that God wanted and did them all. How God must be pleased with that person!

There have been times in my life where, if I would have died, I would have approached the judgement seat of Christ (a judgement of reward, not punishment), with a certain level of confidence. I was following what I thought were the rules God laid out for me. It didn't matter if I liked the rules, if I meant the rules, if I found God through the rules. Those were the rules and my ticket to heavenly rewards.

It now turns out, ironically enough, that the times I was most confident of my arrival to heaven were the times I was probably in for quite a surprise. Right now, I feel like just a man. A fallible man who has done some good in his life, but doesn't have the goods on good works. When I arrive to heaven, I will do so confident in my salvation and excited about my final sanctification. What I did won't be a source of pride for me anymore. There's just too much ambiguity in the world for me to think I hit the jackpot of living a bunch of rules that God laid out. I no longer think those rules even exist.

Gas Currency

2008-07-11T05:02:00.004-05:00

Occasionally, at Radiant, we'll have people from other divisions come and talk to us about their products and industries. A couple of years ago, someone in the Petroleum division came and spoke to our group. Petroleum covers convenience stores and gas stations.

An interesting thing I took away from the Petroleum presentation was how "gas currency" was worth more than real currency to people. Let's say you run two sales at your local grocery store. The first sale, you advertise "10% off your entire purchase!". The second sale, you advertise "10 cents a gallon off your next fill up when you spend $100 or more!" Which do you think people would go for? The gas. It's because, according to industry research, people value gas currency more than they value real money. Let's do the math on the two sales:

Sale 1: 10% off
Purchase: $100.00
Discount: $10.00
Total Purchase: $90.00
Gas Fill-Up: 15 gallons
Price/Gallon: $4.00
Gas Discount: $0.00
Total Gas: $60.00
Total Spent: $150.00

Sale 2: 10 cents off per gallon
Purchase: $100.00
Discount: $0
Total Purchase: $100.00
Gas Fill-Up: 15 gallons
Price/Gallon: $4.00
Gas Discount: $0.10
Total Gas: $58.50
Total Spent: $158.50

So you actually end up spending more with the 10 cents a gallon sale! Once you know about this phenomenon and how irrational it is, you'll start to notice it everywhere, especially right now when gas is so expensive. On the radio yesterday, many advertisements were taking advantage of this. One was a BMW ad: "Highest fuel economy among luxury brands". OK, let me get this straight: you're going to spend $40,000 on a car and you are worried about the extra $50 a month or so to fuel a Mercedes over a BMW? Another one was "Take your car into our repair shop and we'll improve your fuel economy as much as 15%!" Granted, the percentage given is probably from a beater car that has never been repaired, but how much are the repair costs going to be? Is it going to cost me $500 to get 15% increase? Is that worth it?

People don't ask that question, because when you can convert something to gas currency, they stop thinking.

How to Control People in Three Easy Steps

2008-07-10T17:15:00.004-05:00

Disclaimer: This satirical post is not about any one person; this is a pattern I see throughout the church.

It's everyone's dream: full control over every aspect of people's lives. Sheer tyranny. But just how easy is it to have full control over every aspect of people's lives in a church context? It's as easy as 1..2..3!

1. Bible = Only Way
First, you need to position God's Word as the only source of truth for how to live life. You can do this by calling it a "roadmap for living", "God's blueprint for living", and say things like "All I need to know when I'm going through life is THIS RIGHT HERE (pounding your bible)". Keep in mind, you don't actually have to open the Bible and demonstrate this because people can't help but agree with you. I mean, who wants to be against the Bible? Trust me, you won't have people stomping out of the service saying "I need to buy a map of Texas to get around because I didn't find the Bible...you're not being truthful, pastor!" No, even though admittedly that would be a hole in this point, the key here is not to be totally consistent. Remember, the key here is full control over people's lives.

2. Bible = Hard
Once you have established that the Bible is the only source of truth for how to live life, you need to set the Bible up to be hard for people. This isn't terribly difficult, because people are idiots, and they'll pick up on your subtle hints and go along with it. Here are a few easy ways to get started:

Quote verses out of context. This is a great one. People won't know what hit them! You quote a verse like Jeremiah 29:11 which is really about God's plans for Israel in the midst of Babylonian captivity, and make it about us today. Don't worry about people looking a couple of verses back to get some context because they won't. They'll buy the whole thing hook line and sinker. So, you ask, how does this make the Bible seem harder? If, by any chance, they do read any other verse of Jeremiah, it will not be as if God wrote you a personal note. Instead, it will be a bunch of boring prophecy. And they'll fall asleep. And say to themselves, "Well, I guess I'll leave the interpretation of Jermiah up to the pastor. He seems to be a lot better than me at figuring out what God is saying to me through it."
Preach topically. Admittedly, this seems a little counter-intuitive as well, but stick with me for a second. One Sunday you preach on love. The next Sunday you preach on joy. The next Sunday, you preach on forgiveness. It's relevant to people. They're getting it. Then they try to go home and figure out what the Bible says to them. And you know what they find? The Bible isn't layed out topically!!!! That's right!!!! God must have made a mistake in how he decided to arrange the Bible (in boring historical order rather than topically), and, my friends, that's a mistake you can exploit to your benefit. You make it real easy to understand on Sunday so they'll always be coming back to you.
Use Greek and Hebrew all the time. Just another hint to the congregation that you've got the goods on Biblical interpretation. When they get home, they can't see the Greek, and so they doubt what they're reading and wait for you to tell them the interpretation.

3. Whatever you want is in the Bible
All the hard work was done in step one and two, so it shouldn't be hard for you to make the final but crucial step toward controlling people's lives. The first question you ask yourself is, "How do I want to control people?" Let's say you want to control people by making them come to your Wednesday night service. So what do you do? Preach the following sermons over the next four weeks:

(1) Taking God Seriously with Your Whole Life
(2) The Local Church's Role In God's Kingdom
(3) The Acts 2 Phenomenon: The Daily Walk
(4) The Higher Call of Sold-out Discipleship at [Insert Church Name Here]

By the end of this, you'll have set up that coming to your Wednesday night service is Biblical, even though the New Testament says nothing about Wednesday night services (it doesn't even have the word "Wednesday" in it at all). Bravo! Just a few sermons and you have people begging you to come to the service. Bingo! Control!

So, it's easy. First, set up the Bible as being the only source for how to live life. Then, make the Bible so hard for people they'll never actually check what it says. And finally, use the Bible to get people to do whatever you want! It's as easy as that!

The Misused "Biblical" Adjective

2008-07-10T11:21:00.003-05:00

I have been in a lot of situations throughout my life where people have been labelling what they're doing as the "biblical" way. When I was in youth, the "biblical" way to date was to court. Some would even go as far as to say that courtship was "God's way", as if God courted or dated.

Another misuse of this is how to raise your children. Some books even talk about parenting "God's Way", as if God has literal children that he raises from infancy.

I was watching a few minutes of Wife Swap last night and they had a very conservative fundamentalist evangelical family and a very liberal Christian family. The conservative family kept saying, "The bible says that you should . . ." with everything. And it's really crazy, because the way they talk, the bible is a list of do's and dont's that you can easily read to figure out exactly what you need to do in your life.

And why doesn't everyone live the exact same way? It's not because the bible isn't clear about the topic (after all, the bible does say that you should spank your kids when they try to run out into the street), it's because people are unwilling to follow the Bible! They're hardened to God's word!!!! Sinners!!!!

What a sham. The fact is, the Bible doesn't really specifically say much about a majority of our lives. It does give guidelines on things, but those guidelines are intentionally vague. Why the ambiguity? I believe it is because God knew that times and circumstances would change throughout the centuries, and so guidelines rather than specific, frozen-in-time rules would work better than frozen-in-time, culturally specific rules.

So the Bible's ambiguity gives us freedom to read the scriptures, pray to God, and figure out what His will for our lives is. Granted, it's not as easy as having all the rules handed to you on a silver platter and then thumbing your nose at all of those idiots who don't want to follow "God's Way", but it will yield a more flexible, tolerant, and effective approach to life.

(Update: this was written by Michael on Annie's computer)

The moral dimension of the environmental issue

2008-07-09T11:27:00.002-05:00

For the past few years, I've been towing the conservative line when it comes to environmental issues. That's beginning to change, but not toward the liberal issue. I'm adopting a more Judeo-Christian moral position when it comes to environmental issues. Since this topic seems to come up on the news every day now, I thought I would lay out my current view.

Liberal environmentalists have a big problem. On the one hand, they do not believe that any one particular moralistic system is neccessarily superior to the other. On the other hand, their moral value of taking care of the environment cannot be realized unless it is adopted universally by the world's major industrial nations.

It's not enough for the liberal environmentalist to simply say, "You should take care of the environment, because that is the right thing to do." They can't say this because, with other issues, they are saying just the opposite. When someone is against gay marriage, for example, on the grounds that it is wrong, their reply to that is, "Who are you to say what is right or wrong?" So the liberal environmentalist has no moral basis on which to stand; he's dead on the issue and his value of preserving the environment dies in the cesspool of moral relativism.

Until....oh wait a minute.....Global Warming!!!!!

Queue ominous music: GLOBAL WARMING!!!!!

I think this is the reason why this issue has stuck so much in spite of the scant evidence for its existence. If the liberal environmentalist can come up with a pragmatic reason for accepting his values, the moral issues outlined above aren't even on the table! It's akin to the person who is against war, until an enemy army invades his city and comes after his family. Then, the god of self-preservation outweighs any other value system there is.

So there is the universal moral value: if you're (or your children are) going to be hurt by taking this action, then it doesn't matter who you are, you should change your habits to save yourself!!! Oh, but for the liberal environmentalist, it isn't this easy. Because, you could ask, "Who cares if the earth burns up and dies?" And they wouldn't have an answer, because not wanting to have the earth burn up and die is a value based on one's worldview.

Thus, the liberal environmentalist ends up propping up a shaky theory to help control others without exposing their own lack of a moral basis. What is the Christian to do?

Well, many conservative Christians have been arguing against global warming...Which is fine, but...

Why not also support taking care of the environment because it's the right thing to do? I've never heard anyone make this argument and it seems so powerful. We're doing this because it's the right thing to do, not for self preservation, but to steward what God has done for us.

In twenty years, I believe the global warming scare will be a joke to people. However, those who rest their morals on the Christian God instead of theories about global warming will still be environmentalists, while the morally bankrupt liberal environmentalists will be looking for something else to scare everyone into allowing the environmentalists to control them.

The entrepreneurial exception

2008-07-09T08:05:00.003-05:00

I was talking with my wife last night about the replaceability test and we did come up with one exception to that rule. When you are starting the organization, or a part of the organization's "launch team", then this rule is temporarily not enforced.

The reason is simple: sometimes you want to do things that have no organizational backing (like plant a church, start a business, start a group on scrapbooking). In these cases, you are the only one who can make that a reality.

One warning, though: you should move as quickly from being needed for that group to being simply wanted. If you are always needed, then perhaps the interest in the organization isn't as high as you had hoped. That's ok! Try something different! After all, groups and organizations exist to serve their members interests; if the only interests being served are those of the founder(s), that's not healthy.

The Replaceability Test

2008-07-08T13:29:00.002-05:00

One thing I've learned recently is what I call the Replaceability Test, which simply is:

If the organization in which you are involved could not replace you and survive, you don't need to be a part of that organization.

This seems counter intuitive on its face. I mean, everyone wants to be necessary, right? Don't we all want to be in a place where we're needed?

When it comes to organizations with which you are involved, the answer to whether you need to be needed, in my opinion, is YOU DON'T WANT THAT!!!!!!

Here's what happens when you're truly needed: you start to think that you have no choice but to keep being a member of the organization. After all, if, when you leave, the organization will fold, and if there are other members who enjoy the organization, then who are you to ruin everybody's fun?

Another drawback to being needed: you're more likely to face manipulation from those whose interests are for the organization to continue. If I'm needed at my job, to the point that the company would fail if I left, how much would my boss focus on making me happy, or feel guilty if I left, or whatever? I can hear it now..."Yeah, you could leave, but we would all lose our jobs. Can't you just work this out?"

Thankfully, Radiant is a great company and would survive fine without me. Which is why I love working here so much. But things would be different if I was indispensable.

So, it's bad to be needed. It's NOT bad to be wanted though; being wanted without being needed is the sweet spot of organizational membership.

The worship leader predicament

2008-07-08T09:12:00.005-05:00

I've been talking with a new friend who is in worship ministry about when is the right time to say no to something. I've been thinking a lot about this and thought I would blog my thoughts.

First, a preface, for some context. I think, in the contemporary American church, worship leaders have a lot of influence over the success or failure of the church. In the old days, worship was more congregational and not focused on one person. Times have changed. The worship in a contemporary church is typically run by a musician who is typically younger because the styles change so often. Being younger brings with it immaturity and volatility. So the church organization has a big risk on their hands: the only way they can get a relevant worship leader is by getting a young one who may be at risk of being a loose cannon.

So where do you find these people? It turns out not many of them exist. Someone who can play guitar and sing ok is easy enough to find, but that person who can lead people into worship, is young enough to be relevant, and has musical talent is hard to find. So what does the typical leader do when he encounters such a person?

Snatch them up as quickly as possible and never let go.

Unfortunately, this is the difficult reality. Many leaders (not just in churches I've attended) I know of have taken this approach. So the young, immature worship leader is left to figure out what to do with a leader he respects wanting him to be involved more than he wants to be. And so it's hard to say no. And, thus, the worship leader (I've seen this many times, including with myself) gets drawn into the marathon of trying to be at every meeting and do everything. Eventually, if he's like me, he burns out. That burnout is not pretty.

Group inflation

2008-07-08T08:26:00.002-05:00

When my church ended months ago, I felt like that event was the most important event in the whole world. It consumed my thoughts. It consumed my conversations. I remember one particular dramatic day when dramatic emails were sent to me and a plethora of dramatic responses were being formulated by me. I remember on that day spending quite a bit of time with my wife (Samuel was getting tubes in his ear), unable to talk about anything except the situation with my old church. I remember that day distinctly because it was our five-year wedding anniversary.

Since then, I've learned that people have a tendency to inflate the importance of the groups and activities in which they participate. You have colleges that feel like they are the expression of God's will to the college student. Drama. You have churches that impose their spiritually abusive dna to cities throughout the world...and then spectacularly burn out because the leader can't follow his own rules. Drama.

This tendency to inflate the importance of one's own groups and activities in which one participates can have a devastating effect on one's spiritual development. You can't do what your conscience is saying because GOD's will is for THIS group in a SPECIAL way. If you disagree with the groups in which you participate, it is the same as disagreeing with God. So everything has to be a really big deal because everyone has placed such a high importance on the group.

God eventually got through to me in the midst of my over-inflating of the importance of my old church. I was up late that weekend, pacing around the house, thinking about my next move, and I heard God speak to me very clearly, "Michael, you don't have to live this intensity anymore. You're free from that. Chill out."

I can't describe how freeing that was to me. I was caught up in the intensity brought about by me and others putting way too much importance on a group. No, the future of humanity wasn't at risk. We would all still live. And we would all still move on. So don't give this group you're in more import than it deserves...it's an important part of your life, but you'll move on, taking the things that were good about it and leaving the rest. Hopefully, I'll learn from my mistake and keep my involvement with groups in the proper perspective.

Rules of Negotiation

2008-07-01T13:47:00.003-05:00

Last night I bought a 2006 Toyota Sienna at Toyota of Richardson and I'm very pleased with my purchase and experience overall. I must say, though, that they are a used car lot, and so you have to be on your toes at every point. I did get a good deal on the car, and that's what I was going for. Here are some things I learned:

The only time I will buy a car at a dealership going forward is 30 minutes before close on the last day of the month. They were motivated and wanted the sell.
That motivation turned into paying just $100 above the trade-in value on the car at edmunds.com.
The cheap price also led to them nickeling and diming me the whole way through.

Specifically, they

Changed the price a few times. I had to read everything carefully and catch them, then they dutifully changed it back.
Filled the gas a quarter tank. I decided not to fight this battle.
Put crappy floor mats in the van while I was signing the final paperwork. Fortunately, I did a final inspection, caught them doing this, then argued and yelled (at 10:00 at night, see first point above), until they threw it in for free.

I wish I would have:

Kept a list of promises made and reviewed it as we went. I would have the salesperson sign that he made that promise and that everything will proceed. They really play you to promise you stuff, then beat you down with waiting until you forget that they made the promise and you just want to leave.
Done a more thorough evaluation of the features of the car. There was some confusion about whether it had keyless entry after we bought it and I was facing the prospect of unknowingly having a minivan without keyless entry (not a good thing for mom)
Made sure they had extra keys and the keyless entry. This is where they got me.
Had the car detailed and ready to go when I arrived, so the final negotiations would not involve test-drive, inspection, etc. I would really make the decision a few days before the end of the month, then let them sit on it until 30 minutes before close at the end of the month.

That's car buying...pretty fun, but I'm glad I don't have to do it very often!

Jesus People....Genius

2008-05-16T07:50:00.002-05:00

I stumbled across this series a couple of weeks ago and can't keep it a secret anymore. If you're a Christian and you don't laugh at this, you don't have a sense of humor.

Here's the series: http://www.icn.tv/series/jesuspeople

And episode 1: http://www.icn.tv/watch/44

Another reason to get text messaging

2008-05-08T09:28:00.001-05:00

Google has a pretty cool text messaging search service. You can find more about it here. The linked page has a sample app for you to test some out yourself. The service includes directions, which would come in handy when one is in a pinch.

God not real; Research reveals drugs then involved...

2008-04-29T15:03:00.003-05:00

This is an interesting article that basically says that Moses did drugs when he experienced God. The telling quote from the main researcher of the study:

As far Moses on Mount Sinai is concerned, it was either a supernatural cosmic event, which I don't believe, or a legend, which I don't believe either, or finally, and this is very probable, an event that joined Moses and the people of Israel under the effect of narcotics

OK, so let me get this straight: God of course isn't real. It of course happened. So the most rational explanation is that a man who led an entire nation on a mass migration was...on drugs. It's strange what kind of "rational" answers we come up with when we dismiss the most obvious explanation of the events (God exists) because of our refusal to accept the ramifications those events would have on our own lives.

Could it be that Barack is just not funny?

2008-04-22T09:23:00.004-05:00

The New York Times has a story on presidential candidates making TV appearances. It opines:

This campaign year, more than any other, highlights the pecking order of television appearances — the higher the politicians’ stature or rank, the less they have to clown; the farther behind they are in the polls, the harder they have to sing for their supper.

Last week Mrs. Clinton, Mr. Obama and Senator John Edwards all appeared on the same episode of “The Colbert Report.” Mr. Edwards, who dropped out of the Democratic race in January, delivered a lengthy monologue mocking himself as a standard-bearer for the white male voter. Mrs. Clinton was assigned a less embarrassing task: she pretended to be the only person in the studio who could fix a broken television screen. “Try toggling the input,” she instructed an unseen engineer. Mr. Obama, who is ahead of her in the delegate count, didn’t have to mug; he only had to appear live by satellite from a campaign stop, and actually managed to work parts of his stump speech into the cameo.

I think the Times gives away a bit of their bias. I think that Barack is not funny. He has one tone: the "Hope is what endures the heart to believe in a better Washington" preachy tone. That seems to be working for him, but when he does these "I'm going to show my softer side" appearances, he just comes across as...preachy.

The power of dissatisfaction

2008-04-22T07:33:00.003-05:00

In my recent reshuffling of values and beliefs, I've come to realize the power dissatisfaction has in controlling people.

If I wanted to sell you something, the first thing I did would not be to talk you into my product. The first thing I would do is get you dissatisfied with what you have now. That dissatisfaction will drive you to want my product. Dissatisfaction is so powerful. It has legs of its own.

One recent example is the environment. Don't get me wrong with this example; I'm a conservationist and am on the liberal side of Republicans on this issue. Regardless, it's interesting to think about the strategy many have taken to get people to take action on the environment: create a sense of responsibility for the environment and guilt (dare I say dissatisfaction) in those who don't do anything about it. The message is not centered around stewardship, because that message doesn't resonate. The message centers around global warming, impending doom, and the fact that you're guilty of it and are a terrible person...unless you...buy carbon credits, recycle, drive a hybrid, turn off your lights.

What a powerful medium to control people, this dissatisfaction. What does this mean for the Christian? Well, one should seriously consider the proper role of dissatisfaction in one's life. Here are a few examples and where I land right now:

Sin: I'm dissatisfied with sin, period. That drives me to God.
Church: I think I can get too caught up in church. Church is not the thing. While dissatisfaction in what I have control over can be healthy, I don't have control over church.
Revival: I refuse to be dissatisfied with the lack of revival in the church right now. What a complete waste of time.
God showing up in church: I'm not going to be dissatisfied with this anymore.

The pattern I see? You can be dissatisfied, just make sure it's with something you have control over. Otherwise, you're wasting your energy.

Crazy

2008-04-22T07:26:00.002-05:00

You know you're a little too busy when you're out of state, nine months pregnant, your water breaks, then you give a 30 minute speech and fly across the country to give birth to your child. Wow.

Nobody owes me crap

2008-04-15T06:44:00.003-05:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about some of the mind tricks I play on myself to justify habits in my life that I would like changed. One is the "I deserve this" justification. Here's how it goes: I'm at Whole Foods and shopping. I pass by the baked cookies and want one. I tell myself, "This is a special occasion." Or "I really deserve a cookie right now." So I buy one. And eat it.

The only problem with the aforementioned justification is that it seems to happen like five or six times a week. So, somehow, I'm able to conjure up a "deserving special occasion" 75% of the days in a week. If I were really honest with myself, the times that I said no to cookies at Whole Foods would be in itself a special occasion.

Where does all of this entitlement come from? Why do I feel like I have some sort of license to indulge myself in what I want just because I thought it? What selfishness. Nobody owes me crap. I should get over myself.

The Saints Coming from Genocide

2008-04-04T07:45:00.003-05:00

This morning I was watching a few U2 videos working and stumbled across this one:

It's a great song, as usual, from U2 and Green Day. I think the message is a bit distorted though. The performers are making the point that, "What if we deployed all of our troops to New Orleans during Katrina instead of Iraq?"

We see pictures of people at the Superdome waiting for...two or three days...for evacuation. A disaster? Absolutely! I'm not impressed with the government's response to Katrina.

But let's step back away from the cool musical point they're making and think about this for a second. All those cool airplanes and soldiers. Where are they coming from? Well, they're coming from Iraq, an unstable country. And their presence in New Orleans (forget about how it would take months to deploy them and by then the people were helped, suspend disbelief for a second for me), their presence in New Orleans would mean that millions of people would be facing not three days of horrendous genocide, but years of it.

Liberals oftentimes complain about how arrogant America is. We only think of ourselves. But it's crap like this that makes them hypocrites. We should leave Iraq so we can help storm victims who weren't getting enough aid for a three to five day period. In the wake of that, we leave years of suffering behind in the country we broke by invading it.